


These hours are short;this heart says otherwise

by coruscates



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Anal Sex, Angst, Anxiety, Fluff, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Lack of Communication, M/M, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Past break-up, Second Chances, Time Travel AU, Viktor still figure skates, Yurio your resident teenage voice of reason, Yuuri does ballet, redo AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-11 21:04:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 37,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13532523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coruscates/pseuds/coruscates
Summary: Four years of being suspended in a limbo of moving forward or clinging to his past, Viktor Nikiforov finds himself trying to piece himself together at a moment in his life where he is threatening to fall apart.After a series of unfortunate mishaps, a concerned coach, and a glass of sketchy vodka, Viktor is faced with the impending notion of having to experience once again what he deems to be his greatest mistake.





	1. Zero

**Author's Note:**

> This here is the product of me screaming, crying and blobbing over this fic monster. This fic was originally supposed to be 25K words but welp, guess my hand slipped. This is my first ever bang and I just want to thank everyone who helped me get through this slightly stressful but very enjoyable event especially the friends I've made at the BBOI discord. I owe you guys heaps of blankets for helping me make it through! I want to thank Roa especially, if it weren't for her I'd be stuck screaming over it until the deadline. Please consider this as my advanced birthday gift.
> 
> Thank you also to my artists! (Yes, even you Buns). I'm really thankful to have met you guys! Please check out their art whenever you guys have time. They're really awesome!
> 
> link to [ chou-hei's beautiful art for this fic ](http://chou-hei.tumblr.com/post/170742825077/viktor-leads-him-to-a-spot-facing-the-waves)
> 
> Our tumblrs:
> 
> [chou-hei](http://chou-hei.tumblr.com/)
> 
>  
> 
> [dropsofblue](http://intvicates.tumblr.com/)  
>    
> Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this fic!

**_Day 0 , 12/1/2020_ **

_Tears stained his cheeks, further distorting his blurry vision as he waited for the stoplight to turn green. His hands clutched tightly onto the handle of his luggage, knuckles bleeding white from his grip. The winter air stained his cheeks a light red as he stood in the cold December air._

_He really didn’t want to leave._

_But he knew that it was for the best. He asked for **too** much, gotten too much and, at this point, he probably couldn’t even give everything he could for his lover. Unfortunately, his lover is the same as him in this regard. His best friend agreed with him. His sister agreed with him. He deserved better. _

_In his thoughts, they **both** did._

_The stoplight shifted to green, signalling him to keep going on his way. There was no turning back after all._

_All of a sudden, a loud screeching of wheels sounded, piercing painfully through the air. His ears almost bleeding at the loud piercing screech of rubber against concrete. A glaring light almost blinded him as he moved faster on the snow slicked asphalt. The screech of the wheels sounded even louder. It sounded even closer. He heard the distant cries of his fellow pedestrians along with the sickening sound of tires skidding over the road, his nose assaulted by the scent of burnt fuel and rubber burning._

_It was at that moment that he heard what sounds like brakes snapping in two._

Viktor awoke with a jolt, breathing labored, eyes wide with terror as he stared into nothing, his dream flashing over and over again in his mind.

A loud bark echoed outside the door to the master bedroom, light taps and scratches accompanied the continuous thumps against the flooring, breaking him out of his trance.

‘That dream again.’ Viktor thought, consciously breathing slowly to compose himself. He shook his head as he willed the images of his dream to fade away from memory. He was tired of it.

Eyes blinking several times, Viktor stares absently at the ceiling above him, vision still blurred by the fatigue weighing behind his eyes. It was a usual routine for Makkachin to ‘knock’ on his master’s door each morning. Despite Viktor being an early riser, he can never dream of beating his dog, fueled by sheer enthusiasm and of course, hunger, at waking up at dawn.

‘I don’t think I can stand to think about it anymore.’ Viktor let out a sigh, steeling himself as he placed all thoughts about the dream at the back of his mind. It’s too early to deal with something like that. Couple that with the fact that he was up late at night drinking away, hoping that the alcohol would drown any possibility of having that dream again.

It was the middle of the week, and Viktor had just finished choreographing around half of his short program. He sat up, stretching his muscles idly as he willed the last of his sleepiness away. It was a mundane day for Viktor. Part of Viktor wanted to bury himself back in his covers, dreading the boredom which accompanies his daily schedule, and another part subtly hoped that somehow today was going to be different in comparison to the bleak days of the past years.

With a grunt, Viktor hops out of bed and proceeds to his bathroom to shower, body moving on its own without thought. Viktor stood under the spray of the shower, head hanging down. For everything that Viktor was described by, creative, full of surprises and what not, Viktor alone at his home embodied the exact opposite: boring, conventional and predictable.

Viktor knew it hadn’t always been this way. Or at least, Viktor hadn’t been made aware of the stark contrast between the lives he had been living. On one side of the coin, people would assume he was living a colorful life, gold medals gleaming, costumes in technicolour and the beautiful harmony of his skate music singing with the cheers of the crowd. On the other side, his home was painted in dullness, the static of the flat screen television filling the apartment with at least some semblance of noise mingled with his voice and Makkachin’s barks.

There was a time where the life he had lived on his own was as colorful as his life on the ice. Whatever time that was, it all seemed too long ago to really return to. Viktor would do anything to live life like that. He had tried to paint the colors to himself but instead he had painted his skating with his own shades of gray. After all, doing the same things repeatedly, achieving the same things again and again, what else does he have to gain? More than 20 years centered on competitions and the ice…At this point, expecting something to happen differently regardless of doing the same thing is slowly making a madman out of Viktor. But Viktor is allowed to at least hope, right? He is doing what he loves after all, yes?

Viktor leant his head on the tiles in front of him as his hand moved to turn off the shower. Sea blue eyes flicker as he steps out of the shower, moving to continue the rest of his routine. As soon as Viktor finishes dressing up, he opens the door, and is greeted by his dearest furry companion.  Viktor leans to Makkachin’s level and scratches the backs of Makka’s ears fondly.

“Good morning to you too.”  Makkachin leans up and licks Viktor’s cheek in reply, earning a soft smile from her master. Makkachin truly made his life less lonely than it would be ever since she arrived. Viktor hugs Makka before cooking breakfast, and right before leaving for the rink.

.

.

.

_“Viktor…? You’re...going to the rink?” His tone was soft, bordering unsure._

_“Yeah, Yakov called in sick earlier. Someone has to watch over the other skaters.” Viktor hastily slips on his coat._

_“Oh...I see.”_

_“I’m sorry I have to eat along the way, zolotse but-”_

_It’s been one too many times that Viktor had to leave him behind on an off day. **Their** off day._

_“No, no! It’s fine…”_

_Viktor takes his hand in his, rubbing circles as he held onto it tightly._

_“I’ll make it up to you, I promise”_

_Viktor kisses his temple tenderly before leaving for the rink._

.

.

.

Viktor jogged across the bridge under the cloudy sky. It was nearing winter, and the sun was shielded by the masses of clouds gathered up in the sky. The cool breeze blew against Viktor’s form, Viktor’s red scarf dancing to the movement of the wind as he neared his destination.

Panting against pillar by the entrance, Viktor pulled out his thermos from his sports bag, drinking out of it. Viktor had arrived earlier than expected. The lights were out and the doors shut tight. Viktor placed his thermos back inside whilst rummaging for the rink keys inside his bag. Right at that moment, Yakov had just parked his car, walking towards the doors with the keys in his hand.

“Oh, Yakov! I actually got here earlier than you for once.” Viktor beams at his coach, zipping up his bag.

Yakov huffs as he eyes his student, blue grey eyes studying Viktor with neutrality nearing mock contempt. “Vitya, don’t act so friendly with me when you’ve been late for practice for the past few days.” He spoke lowly with a gruff.

“Come on, Yakov. I practiced overtime anyway.” Viktor feigned a wince at Yakov’s words as he picked up his bag, quickly following Yakov’s steps.

“You can let loose once you’ve actually finished perfecting your program, Vitya.” Yakov chides as he keys in the locker room.

Once Yakov moves away from the locker room door, walking towards his office, Viktor steps into the locker room to change into his skating attire, body thrumming with anticipation for the ice.

Viktor was the only skater this early at the rink, others would be arriving around an hour later after they’ve finished their respective off-ice work outs. As soon as Viktor was done with his warm up laps around the ice, he proceeds to flow to skating his long program, imagining the music as he moved.

For some reason, the way his body moved on its own accord irked Viktor. For any skater, this would be a beautiful sign that they had allowed their program to permeate their bodies. To Viktor now however, it felt as if he was empty. For every movement , there should’ve been an accompanying feeling. It was as if was Viktor playing an instrument and generating a mere muted sound, no soul to pair with the way he moved.

He nails his first few jumps, each with different entries. He proceeds to his step sequence before reaching the second half of the program, arms moving gracefully, and body twisting itself perfectly on the ice. He enters an elegant spin with a flourish of his hand, as if beckoning the audience to watch his performance before skating out of the spin, preparing himself for the Quad loop as he danced on the ice.

His skates scratch over the ice as he launches himself into the jump.

.

_Viktor leant against the barrier, idly watching the others skate as he struggled to find some inspiration for his free program._

_His phone suddenly vibrates in his pocket, a preview of the message plastered across the screen._

_He received a video._

_A video of his sleeping beauty dancing to complex steps, from arabesques to grand jetés. An orchestra sounding a symphony through the way his body moved._

_It was at that moment Viktor realized what his program was missing._

.

Viktor had miscalculated the speed of his jump, tasting the ice as he landed roughly on his forearms. Viktor was pissed at himself. He couldn’t afford to be distracted as he skated. He couldn’t let himself think of other things aside from the emotions he wants to skate in his program as well as his execution.

He couldn’t afford to injure himself especially when his thoughts hurt greater than the pain he would feel from falling.

“Vitya!” Yakov gestures him to skate to him to the barrier, halting Viktor from launching himself to another jump. Yakov looked as stern as he usually was but as Viktor neared, he could see some form of concern emanating from the way Yakov held himself.

“I honestly don’t know what is happening with you these days, Vitya. You’ve been flubbing the easiest of your jumps, your step sequences sloppier than usual, and your artistic expression subpar.” Yakov spoke sternly, crossing his arms across his chest as Viktor arrived before him.

“It’s a slump, Yakov. It’s just something I’ll skate out of in time-” Viktor says lightly as he leant on the barrier, dusting off the ice off his skates.

“Viktor, you and I both know you don’t have time. Not with how you’re progressing. You promised me you would be able to ‘fully’ complete your program by this month-”

“I still have a few weeks left-”

“That’s not it, Viktor! This is the worst I’ve seen you skate. Mentally and physically, your worst.” Yakov’s voice cut loudly through the air, frustration laced within his words.

Viktor became silent. Yakov’s words cutting through him like a knife.

“We both know that there’s something blatantly wrong, not with you but concerning you.” Yakov spoke the truth, voice sounding just above a whisper.

Viktor smiled sadly. Yakov knew even before Viktor could say anything. The way he felt, his emptiness, bled through his every movement. Words falling short over his emotions. However, Yakov could read him like a book, no amount of masks or jovial dispositions could fool Yakov. And for that, Viktor is glad. After all, he himself can’t even try to explain the nature of his state. But at least, they’re sure of the cause of it.

“I’ll let you off for a few days, Vitya.” Yakov says, eyes closed as if contemplating his own decision. “Vitya, promise me you’ll get enough sleep. Your eyes look like a man who hadn’t slept a wink in years. I can’t give you more than that but hopefully you’ll be able to work out whatever it is with you.”

“...Thanks, Yakov.” Just as Viktor stepped towards the locker room, a firm hand on his shoulder stops him in his tracks.

“I know this is a tough time for you...but I’m sure you’d agree that even _he_ didn’t want you to end up like this.” Yakov squeezes Viktor’s shoulder.  “Especially considering...well, I’m sure you know full well of that.”

“Yeah…”

“And if you need anything, feel free to stop by.”

“Thanks again, Yakov.”

.

.

.

_“We’re going to that concert on Friday, right?“ His voice was laced with anticipation._

_“Of course, we are zolotse.” Viktor held up his hand to his lips, blowing warmth over it before placing a chaste peck._

_“Friday? Vitya, I can’t believe you’ve forgotten about your sponsors again.” Yakov’s voice bellowed across the lobby as he started locking up the rink._

_“I thought I had already arranged for them to meet me on another date?”_

_“Vitya, this is the other date they set. They will no longer agree to putting it off any further.” Viktor could feel the hand wrapped around his arm loosen. The warmth which bled against his skin slowly faded._

_“I’m sure they still have a free schedule—“_

_“Viktor---“ Yakov’s anger started to simmer._

_“Yakov, don’t worry about it. I’ll---“_

_“Viktor-“_

_“Yako-“_

_“No! Viktor...it’s fine.”_

_“But—“_

_The hand on his arm tightens, clutching against the arm of his jacket._

_Warm brown eyes look up to him, determined eyes coupled with a smile._

_“There’s always next time right?”_

_._

_._

_._

The cool November wind flew through the streets of St. Petersburg. Crisp white snow blanketing the pavements and architecture, lulling the city into a warm yet frosted early slumber. Lights painting the surface a luminous gold. The nights have become longer as the days passed. Winter has truly settled in.

Viktor’s shoes crunched lightly against the snow built up on the asphalt, coating the leather with shiny cold. He places his hands in his coat pockets, his bag slung tight over his shoulders. At this point, Viktor would usually keep an eye out for some place to eat dinner. However, something told him that it would be better to be on his way home, cook something with whatever he had inside his refridgerator.

Viktor looked ahead as more and more people crowded the sidewalk. The lights of restaurants lighting the pavement. A few new restaurants opened, people looked around whilst holding hands, and talking over the music flitting through the air. Viktor let out a sigh as he reminisced. The new restaurants had replaced old bookstores, cafes, and the old bakery which Viktor had loved. Whenever he had walked home, he could smell the scent of freshly baked pies even from across the street. He loved the ambiance of the bakery, and the sweet old couple who ran it. He fondly remembers sharing everything he had bought from there, sharing the incredible taste he has come to favor.

_._

_“It’s vkusno, Viktor!”_

_He munches on happily on the pirozhki, the corners of his lips turning up into a smile after each bite._

_Viktor couldn’t help but let out a chuckle, lips forming into a heart shaped grin._

_“It tastes amazing.” Viktor held his own freshly baked pirozhki, bitten twice._

_“I agree.”_

_He takes another bite, savoring the taste of the filling._

_“...It still doesn’t beat katsudon though...”_

_“We still have some ingredients left at home...”_

_A wide smile bloomed on his winter flushed face._

_“Let’s make it together!”_

_._

Viktor’s mind was clouded with memories as he accidentally bumped into someone. Said person brisk walked past Viktor before he could even apologize. Suddenly, Viktor felt lighter. Something felt wrong. Suspicious, he quickly palms over his pockets only to find that the lump made by his wallet had disappeared.

“Shit.”

Viktor looked behind him, finding the stranger he had bumped into looking back before sprinting to the other side of the street. Viktor gives chase at the pickpocket, mindful of the cars passing through the street as he neared the thief. The thief sped into an alley, losing momentum as he almost tripped, giving a chance for Viktor to catch up. Viktor neared him, almost catching the back of his hood before he grabbed the thief’s arm, shoving him into the wall of the alley, and cornering him with his body.

“It would be great if you handed that back to me.” Viktor sternly glares at the pickpocket before him. The pickpocket was in his teens from the looks of it. His eyes almost soften as he gazed at him. Viktor immediately composes himself before he can fall prey to whatever back up plan this kid had.

Living in the city hardened Viktor ever since he was a child. His parents warning him to keep his things close to him and clutched inside his pockets. Even telling him to just let them go instead of chasing them in fear of them having in possession of anything dangerous. Call him somewhat idiotic for pursuing the guy but Viktor didn’t have time to think, his wallet contained the traces of what will always be important to Viktor. He can’t afford to lose it this time.

Viktor further cornered the teen, practically blocking him from escaping lest he give the wallet back. Green eyes looked indignantly back at him. Burning with determination, the teen tries to kick Viktor’s shin but to his dismay, Viktor moved quick and took hold of the teen by his shoulders.

“Give it back.”

“No.”

“It’s mine.”

“I need it more than you do.”

“Pickpocketing isn’t the right way to get what you want.”

“I said I _needed_ it, old man. I didn’t say I wanted it for fuck’s sake.”

Albeit Viktor knew that there was no talking sense here. He sighs in exasperation and keeps his cold gaze on the teen.

“I’ll give you a deal…I’ll give you whatever money I have inside that wallet and _more_ if and _only if_ you hand it back to me right now.”

“You’re lying.”

“I am not.”

“How do I know you’ll be keeping your end of the deal then?” The teen places one hand on his hip, the other holding Viktor’s wallet tightly.

“I could’ve called for help earlier but did you see me do anything?”

“…”

“You only need my money right? A kid like you wouldn’t steal if they didn’t have problems.”

“Tch, don’t act like you know me when you don’t, moron.”

“Yeah, I don’t…but you could’ve kicked me even now since you have the chance.”

“Whatever, just get on with it.”

Once Viktor hands every rouble in his wallet, the teen bolts off. To Viktor’s surprise, the kid rushes back and glares at him.

“You’re going to report me, aren’t you?” The boy took on a protective and accusatory stance, green eyes leering at Viktor through wispy strands.

Viktor almost let out a laugh. How can this kid be so innocent and naïve while committing a crime?

“I didn’t see anything. Do I know you?” Viktor holds up his hands in mock confusion, feigning being a bystander, not a victim. His voice lilted up at the end.

“You better not, old man!” Viktor could have sworn he saw a silver of a smile against the boy’s features.

It was almost midnight and Viktor felt a tad too drowsy to drive all the way back to his apartment. Opting to grab a shot of coffee, Viktor walked towards the nearby convenience store, hoping that a shot of caffeine would alleviate his fatigue.

Releasing a relieved sigh, Viktor held his wallet delicately, tracing over his engraved initials over the leather before opening it. The tips of his fingers grazed over crisp paper as he thumbed over a bright gold stub, bold cursive writing contrasting against the shine. ‘“The Sleeping Beauty” presented by The Bolshoi Ballet, Ballet in two acts, November 26, 2016, _The Bolshoi theatre on the Fontanka river,_ 19:00 ’. With a relieved sigh, Viktor places his wallet inside his coat before continuing on to his apartment where Makka waits patiently for him at the door. 

Viktor smiles sadly, almost letting out a mocking chuckle at the thought.

 _Only Makka waits for him at home._  

It had always been like that, years of loneliness, and coming home to a dimly lit apartment. Viktor should’ve already been used to it but he couldn’t help but have an itch to actively find something brighter. To Viktor though, that feeling was in vain.

‘Something brighter? I don’t think anything like that really exists anymore.’

His hand clutched the lapel of his coat, cradling his wallet through the fabric. If anything, the only bright thing left was the sheen of gold over his well-kept ticket. Not even his polished gold medals could come close.

Viktor went back on his way to his apartment complex, shoes dampened by the snow, flecks of near transparent white staining the leather. ‘This day was eventful then.’ Viktor mused, thoughts tracing back to the young man. Maybe things could’ve been different for him. Maybe the young man could do something he enjoys instead of Hell, maybe things could’ve been different for Viktor…but the universe decided that some things are just meant to be _bleak_.

This was just the beginning of many more to happen, for things to become bleaker than it already was.

December 1st served as the day which served as the first domino in the flurry of the disastrous days which followed. Viktor wonders if he ever did something in his past life to warrant such unluckiness. He sighed as he dropped himself back onto his bed,  Makkachin sleeping peacefully at his feet.

It was past midnight and Viktor hadn’t slept a wink. He should have been asleep hours ago especially considering the fact that he has a competition in a few days time. He couldn’t afford to cut even more of his practice hours than he already did. Viktor sits up with a grunt, and a frustrated groan. He had been like this for the past few years during this certain time of the year. He runs a hand through his hair in frustration.

‘I’ve got no choice.’

He carefully and quickly steps out of bed, mindful of his slumbering dog, walking out of his room and into his kitchen. He leans up towards the cabinets, opening them and reaching for the alcohol stored inside. One hand held the bottle of alcohol, and the other reached over for a clean glass. He pours himself a glass before downing it one go, feeling the burn of the alcohol down his throat.

Viktor felt the alcohol kicking in. However, he still felt as if whatever he had just drank wasn’t enough. He quickly poured himself another glass. And another, and another.

The last thing Viktor saw was his hand setting down a very empty glass bottle.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_Day 0, 12/5/2020_ **

**_._ **

**_._ **

**_._ **

_They were tangled up under the sheets as they cuddled close together after a long night of lovemaking. Viktor rested his head resting over soft skin, pressing his ear against it as he listened to a soothing rhythm of heartbeats. Viktor presses a kiss over the skin, leaving his lips to rest over the warmth of the body entangled with his._

_“Viktor, that tickles.” Hands smooth over Viktor’s hair, caressing over his scalp in soothing circles._

_“I can’t help it if you’re like this, lyubov moya.” He presses another, earning a light tug on his hair from surprise._

_“Viktor...” He felt the body next to him squirm down, brown eyes meeting blue. Calloused hands cupped over Viktor’s cheeks, and lips chastely kissed Viktor’s._

_“I love you so much, zolotse.”_

_“I love you too.”_

_._

_._

_._

Viktor had missed practice.

He woke up to his dog licking his face in worry, paws resting over his chest as he leant against the kitchen island. Viktor’s mind was hazy with a hangover. His eyes struggled to focus on the clock hanging on the wall.

It was 12 in the afternoon, way past Viktor’s morning hours, and incredibly late for his pet’s breakfast. Viktor sat up straight, grunting as he could feel the strain of his back from sleeping on the kitchen floor. Makkachin leant towards Viktor, snout resting against his owner’s cheek as he whimpered. Viktor immediately felt a sharp pang of guilt. If he hadn’t gotten carried away with drinking last night, he would’ve been able to wake up early enough to be a good owner and feed his beloved poodle. Now, here is leaning against the marble, as his pet whimpered in hunger and thirst.

Viktor stood up immediately, patting Makkachin’s head as he scrambled to prepare his poodle’s food. As soon as Viktor sets down Makka’s food, Makkachin dove in.

“Makka, I’m a horrible owner. Aren’t I?” Viktor chided himself as he watched his poodle feast happily.

He had made drinking until dawn a habit of his the past few days. Miraculously, he was still able to train normally as he would. However, last night Viktor had taken himself too far.

Makkachin looks up at Viktor, head tilted to the side in silence. It was as if Makkachin understood what Viktor had just said. Makkachin leans up and licks his owner’s cheek before returning back to eating.

“I’m sorry...I’m really sorry. I’ll get a better hold of myself. For both of us.” Viktor smiled sadly as he cradled his cheek. With one last scratch behind Makka’s ears, Viktor returns back to his room, quickly gettiing ahold of his phone flooded with numerous missed calls and texts from Yakov.

Viktor leans his forehead against his phone’s  screen, berating himself for overindulging last night. He scrolls through numerous texts in all caps, asking him where he is, scolding him for not showing up, and a short text that if he hasn’t arrived before 12 he’ll drive and drag him out to the rink.

Several rings on his doorbell shook him out of his thoughts. Viktor quickly throws on a shirt, not caring how he looked, and immediately opened the door.

“Yakov...”

“Your breath stinks.”

“Yakov, I can explain.”

“Hm...yeah right.”

Viktor could ony be silent. It had never gotten to this between him and Yakov. Never.

 “It seems that I have no choice...”

“Yakov-“

“I’m pulling you out of the Grand Prix Final.”

“What!? Yakov, I’m fine. Trust me I can-”

“Viktor, you are not!”

Viktor stood silent, shocked at his coach’s outburst.

“Yakov, I can still skate. There’s nothing to worry about.”

“Are you telling me that whatever I’m seeing right now from you is fine!?” Yakov’s voice rose. “It’s far from it.”

“I know that...”

“Vitya, at this point I don’t care if you win gold or skate the worst program in all of history. What is a champion skater with no soul, a person at the brink of breaking?”

Viktor could only answer in silence. His whole skate not only depended on the way he landed his jumps or the way he skated his step sequence. Those would only account for half of what his skate relied on. The other half depended on Viktor’s focus, and the dynamic stability his emotions would show in his artistry. At the end of the day, Yakov was right.

“Vitya...you’re better than this. You’ll be better than this.”

Viktor hoped Yakov’s words were true.

“I’m sorry it’s something that has to be done...”

Yakov’s voice was low, sincere,and melancholic, a tinge of pity for his student laced in his tone.

“...I understand.”

.

.

.

_Viktor spins on the ice, changing positions consecutively with grace in his form. At 24, Viktor was still in his prime as a skater, snatching gold medals at each competition he joins. He spins until he reaches a position where in his arms extended towards the sky, hands acting as if they’re reaching out for something beyond. Sweat slid down his forehead as held on to the pose as the last few notes of the piece faded._

_“Viktor...that was beautiful.” His voice was soft, and his eyes shone beautifully as he gazed back at Viktor. Viktor could almost melt at his lover’s gaze. His eyes showed every ounce of love he had in him._

_“That whole skate, it’s for you. Everything about it is for you.” Viktor glided over to the boards, taking gloved hands into his before kissing over knit clad knuckles._

_“That was a wonderful surprise, Viktor. Thank you...” His hands enveloped Viktor’s, encasing Viktor’s bare ones with warmth._

_“That’s not the only surprise, zolotse.” Viktor’s eyes had a mischievous gleam in them. “We have the rink to ourselves tonight, and I prepared us some homemade dinner. What other things I have in store, you’ll just have to wait and see.”_

_He let out a light laugh at his lover’s words, his smile morphing itself into an amused grin. He also sets foot on the ice, skating as he was led by Viktor in lazy laps around the rink. He couldn’ deny that he had missed this feeling, despite being a danseur he had always loved the feeling of the cool air as he glided over the ice, and how weightless he felt every time._

_“It’s only my birthday, Vitya. You didn’t have to prepare too much.”_

_“But that’s just it, it’s **your** birthday. That’s more than enough of a reason for me to spoil you today.”  _

_“I’m looking forward to it then.”_

_The night continued on as they fell into a simple dance on the ice, hands never leaving the other’s._

.

.

.

“ _Bonjour, c’est Christophe Giaccometti. Je ne suis pas joignable pour l'instant, merci de me laisser votre message (après le bip sonore_ )--”

Viktor cuts off the call in mild disappointment. Chris won’t be answering his calls for a long while. Viktor was partly relieved but the urgency of telling him the news kept nagging Viktor in his mind. He had to tell Chris Yakov was pulling him out of the GP at some point. After all, they’ve been such good friends since Christophe debuted in the senior division.

With no one to talk to, Viktor ventures out after leaving Makkachin with his trusted old neighbor. Giving an apologetic hug to his pet as he reminded the poodle to behave while he’s gone. He trudges over the piled up snow, walking sullenly over the street full of bars and restaurants. He scours the area until he finds a less crowded bar,  ‘Kachu since 2000’, only a number of people occupying and drinking at the place. He goes inside and is greeted with a somewhat ‘homey’ atmosphere, slightly dim light lighting the whole bar, and significantly less noisy compared to the other bars in the area.

Viktor breathes a sigh of relief, at least he wouldn’t be disturbed by random strangers asking for pictures and autographs tonight.  He takes note of this bar, setting it as a new place for him to pass time the next time he would need it. For a bar which had been around for 20 years, Viktor is surprised to only find this hidden gem now, having lived in the area for more than a decade. It’s well-kept, seemingly newly renovated and more classic in style compared to the sleek modern interior of others. At this point, it looks like the bar had already found a new regular customer in Viktor.

He walks further inside, and places himself right in front of the bartender and takes a seat.

The bartender raised her brow at him, eyeing him as she expertly prepared one of her customer’s drinks. She looked quite young, long chestnut brown hair cascaded over her shoulders, eyes a stormy grey, and a mole adorning her left cheek. She wore a white trimmed blazer over a sleeveless black top, accentuating her figure and her pale complexion. She may have looked bored and sardonic but her eyes betrayed her interest in her new arrival.

Viktor couldn’t deny that he felt some kind of ‘aura’ from this woman, the pit of his stomach twisting in caution. Was it just charisma or something else? Viktor will think of it some other time, for now he needs his alcohol fix.

“Give me the strongest you’ve got.” Viktor’s eyes were blank as he stated his order.

“Alright then. I’ve been running this bar here for years. Get ready for some quality drinks.”

After several drinks, Viktor’s vision had become hazy, and he started babble about anything that came into his mind, even to the point of critiquing other skaters’ technique and costumes.

“The only one who ever looked beautiful in that shade of blue was my Yuuri. Did I ever tell you he danced in the Bolshoi’s production of Swan Lake? He was the only one, _only one_ , who caught my eye.”

Minako chuckled at her customer. It was quite amusing to see that her new customer can still be so articulate after downing more than 10 glasses of alcohol in such a short amount of time.

“I bet he was quite a sight to see then.”

“The way he dances is like he’s making music with his body.”

A smile graced over his lips as he remembered the way he moved. Minako couldn’t help but mirror the man’s smile.

“Part of the Bolshoi huh? I’ve actually watched the Swan Lake production years ago. Maybe I’ve seen him perform...what’s his name again?”

“Yuuri...Katsuki Yuuri. _My Yuuri_.”

“That’s a wonderful name.”

“Yes, yes, yes. There is nothing better than Yuuri. Yuu-uuri. Ahh, it feels so nice to say.”

“So..how is he?”

Minako was greeted by an abrupt silence from her once talkative, disoriented acquiantance. His head tilted down, his fringe covering his face. To Minako’s surprise, she sees tears drop from his cheeks.

“ _Gone_. It’s all my fault.” Viktor sobbed “If I hadn’t...then he would have never..”

“The only thing I could ever want is to see him again...if only I could...If only I had more time...”

Minako refills his glass. This time a different colored liquid filled his glass. The liquid seemed to shift into different colors as if imitating a prism placed against a light.

“This one’s on the house, assuming that it helps ease your head a bit.”

Viktor stared into the alcohol swirling inside his glass as if hypnotized. It was as if he could see Yuuri dancing and twirling around in the mixture, attainable yet distant. It was as if he can almost reach out to the Yuuri he sees in the reflection.

Minako smiles as he watches Viktor down his last drink in one shot.

Viktor returns home with the aid of the bartender, Minako tucking him in his apartment before leaving with a smile plastered on her face.

It was beyond Viktor’s ability that night to realize how much that one night out would change _everything_.

 

 

 

 

 

**_Day 1_ **

_“Viktooooruu”_

_“Who....?” Viktor felt a pair of arms wrap around his torso, a sturdy chest leaning against his._

_It was the night of a party prepared specifically for Viktor, Yakov deciding to organize a ‘banquet’ in honor of his 3rd consecutive win at the Grand Prix Final and the World Championship. Yakov had invited everyone at the rink along with some friends and some of Viktor’s sponsors._

_Viktor peered down at the man who held him tightly, warm hazy brown eyes meeting aqua blue. At that moment, Viktor felt as if his heart was about to burst._

_“Viktoruu~ It’s me, Yuuri. YUU-ri. Two u’s. Your number one fan, remember?” His voice came out in a slur, almost lilting in amusement. His glasses were sliding down the bridge of his nose as he peered excitedly up at Viktor._

_“Yu-Yuuri...?”_

_The man wrapped around his waist let out a drunken giggle, the sound drowns out almost every thought in Viktor’s head._

_“Hahaha...Viktor said my name.”_

Viktor smiled through his sleep, turning to his side as he clutched the sheets on the other side of the bed.

 

_“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have drank so much. I’m so sorry for invading your space—”_

_“No, no it’s fine. Don’t worry too much about it. Most of us end up acting out when we’re drunk. It’s something to have a small laugh about. It’s normal.” Viktor placed a hand on the young man’s shoulder, voice light as he accepted the former’s apology._

_“R-really? But I was...” Inky black hair curled around his cheeks as he looked down at his feet._

_“It’s fine, Yuuri. It’s nothing really.” Viktor tried to console the man before him. Viktor was surprised that Yuuri had reached out to him considering that Viktor had tried to get ahold of him right after the party, only to feel as if a door had been closed right in front of him each time Yuuri’s automated voice broke through the receiver._

_Viktor was about to comfort Yuuri once again but he was cut off by Yuuri’s determined exclamation._

_“But, but I want to make it up to you!” Yuuri’s eyes held a sense of sincerity in them, a sort of flame burning behind his gaze._

_“Make...it up to me?”_

_“Yes! I-if it’s okay with you that is...I could treat you to a meal...if it’s okay. Unless you want something else then that’s totally fine too--! Wait, you’re right, it’s just something small anyway.I-I mean you don’t really have to say yes if you don’t-- “_

_Viktor felt his heart being filled with warmth at each word Yuuri uttered, his lips forming into a bright heart shaped grin. With no hesitation, and no attempt to disguise the excitement laced in his tone, he answers._

_“Yes. I’d love to.”_

 

Viktor’s hands clutched tighter in the sheets, his smile though never faltered for a bit.

 

_“Move in with me.”_

_Their lips were a mere breath apart from each other, as Viktor followed his statement with another kiss. Both of them were in a state of immense undress, skin sliding against each others’ as they indulged even more in each other’s touch. Yuuri sat comfortably in Viktor’s lap, moaning as he felt Viktor’s arousal beneath his plush bare ass. Viktor’s hands explored every inch of Yuuri he can reach, one hand brushing over Yuuri’s spine, and another tangled in Yuuri’s hair._

_“Wha-” Warm lips against his neck left hot kisses against his flushed skin before Yuuri could blatantly ask, voice softening into a moan._

_“Hmm..my Yuuri.” Viktor continued to mark Yuuri all over his shoulders, leaving blooming marks all over Yuuri’s light olive skin._

_Viktor’s words finally setlled in Yuuri’s mind, Yuuri’s eye widening in comprehension._

_“Mmh, I can’t wait to fuck you...or maybe you should fuck me too. Yuu-uuri..”_

_“Mmh, ah! Wait, wait, Viktor.” Yuuri pushes back his much eager boyfriend off his body, lowkey regretting the loss of Viktor’s warmth over his flushed skin. Yuuri cups Viktor’s cheeks as he tilted his lover’s gaze to his own._

_“Do you mean it?”_

_“Of course, Yuuri! I would love to switch things up.”_

_“NO!”_

_“No..?”_

_“N-no, ugh okay. I’m okay with switching things up but I meant what you said before that.”_

_Hearing Yuuri’s words, a sincere smiile painted itself over Viktor’s lips as blue eyes soften at Yuuri’s questioning gaze._

_“I mean it, zolotse.” Viktor brought up his hand, taking Yuuri’s into his before kissing the center of his palm._

_“I want you to come live with me here from now on. That is...as long as you also want--”_

_Yuuri tackles Viktor into a kiss, a pretty flush gracing over his cheeks as he literally stole Viktor’s breath away._

_“Yes.”_

Viktor softly mumbled in his sleep, eyelids fluttering a bit as he shifted closer to the other side of the bed, burying his face in another pillow’s oddly sweet scent, something akin to vanilla and tea.

 

_“Yuuri...”_

_Viktor had messed up. He had fucked up a lot before but this has gotten way out of hand._

_“It’s fine Viktor...you’ve been busy and tired. I understand.” Yuuri’s spoke plainly. Viktor felt a swirl of guilt, regret, and anger at himself all in one instant. Viktor had promised him he would be there. Yuuri looked everywhere in the crowd only to find strangers’ faces instead of his own lover. Needless to say, Yuuri’s heart dropped with disappointment._

_“Zolotse, it was the premiere of your performance! I’m sorry. I forgot. I should have—“ Viktor himself knew he was making such lame excuses. He could’ve turned down that last minute meeting with his sponsor, schedule it at a later date. Instead, he rushed towards a restaurant all for the sake of an ill-timed meeting. God knows how many times Viktor had let Yuuri down at this point. From forgotten special occasions, blunt remarks and so on. Viktor had screwed up one too many times. Viktor knew full well that Yuuri didn’t deserve any of it._

_“Viktor, it’s fine.”_

_Yuuri looked at him, the warmth in his turned cold, glassy. Viktor felt his heart clench at the sight. He had only wanted to spend a few more minutes before heading over. He had gotten carried away despite knowing full well of the time he was supposed to be there._

_“They needed you anyway...”_

_Yuuri’s voice was just above a whisper. His trembling tone betraying his true feelings._

_“Yuuri, I—“_

_“I don’t want to talk about it anymore, okay?” Yuuri spoke wetly. If Yuuri hadn’t had his back turned to him, Viktor would see tears rolling relentlessly down Yuuri’s cheeks. Yuuri walked towards their shared bedroom, and into the bathroom, shutting the door and locking himself in._

_He could hear Yuuri’s sobs from the other side of the door._

Viktor’s nose scrunched up, his brows knotted together in his slumber. His lips turning down a bit.

 

_“Let’s end this.” Despite the tremble in Yuuri’s voice, his tone was steady, **final.**_

_“What!?” Viktor’s raised his voice unknowingly, heart stirring with anger, and **hurt**. He and Yuuri had been arguing ever since they got home. In the past two weeks, Yuuri had become distant, suspisciously spending less and less time at home and with Viktor. Viktor paid no mind to it, attributing it to stress and much needed rest...oh how wrong of Viktor to do just that._

_“I’m going back to Japan.” Yuuri stared back at him, eyes steeled as he voiced his words._

_Viktor couldn’t believe what was happening. Everything had gone well between them right? Despite everything, they still stuck together all the way through. What exactly had he done to push Yuuri to the edge? Did Yuuri keep something important from him?_

_“Yuuri, let’s talk about this—“ Viktor was sure they could still talk things out. They’ve always managed to. They had made it a point to place things out in the open ever since they had their first few bouts of bad quarrels._

_“You’ve done so much for me already, Viktor.” Viktor’s mind tried to absorb what was happening, Yuuri’s voice was now an echo repeating itself over and over in Viktor’s mind._

_“It’s better if we end this. Everything about us. Better for the both of us.” Yuuri’s grip on the handle of his luggage tightened as he looked away from Viktor, steadily heading towards the door._

_“Yuuri, wait!” Viktor’s feet moved quickly as he grabbed Yuuri’s arm. Yuuri pried Viktor’s hand off him, eyes glistening with tears._

_“It’s for the best, Viktor.”_

_“Yuuri!!”_

_“Goodbye...” Brown eyes stared back at him in utmost conviction._

_At that moment, Viktor knew that he should no longer try to push, and chase Yuuri, for he was already gone even before that moment in time._

 

Viktor’s eyes shot open.

As soon as he was fully conscious, Viktor felt something _off_.

He looked around his room only to realize the same thing.

Something was _beyond off_ in his apartment.

Viktor could have sworn he had moved the furniture around weeks ago, now everything was out of place. The painting which hung on the wall opposite his bed was different, instead of an abstract blur of reds and blues was a simple portrait of a bouquet of sunflowers. The blanket he laid under was thicker and a nice shade of navy, a blanket he knew he had recently placed inside the laundry bag. Even his curtains were different, instead of the dark blue whic should be shielding his room from sunlight were white, silky, opaque drapes.

The sunlight was a bit blinding. Viktor placed his arm against his eyes as he sat up, feeling surprised to feel that his body was lighter, less strained. He rolled his shoulders only to notice that the aches he had in them before were gone. Even when standing up, Viktor didn’t feel fatigue threaten to make his legs collapse beneath him. He did get drunk off his ass last night...right? Where’s the searing headache, the slight nausea? His room was already odd, now even he _felt_ odd.

Something was definitely off.

Viktor walked towards the corridor and into kitchen and living room area only to find that his whole apartment in fact had a makeover. Books and paintings he swore he had placed in the storage room were out and decorating his shelves and walls. Everything was neat and tidy as if someone had just finished sweeping and tidying things up.

He continues his walk to the kitchen, reaching the refridgerator, a bright yellow post it stuck on the metal fridge door.

‘Went for a morning walk with Makka. I’ll be back in a while~’ It read, written in rushed letters.

Was Viktor drunk enough to actually leave himself a note for this?

Viktor shook his head in confusion. Even he knows that even if he was drunk, he would remember what he had ended up doing the night before. He remembers drinking at new bar last night, becoming quick friends with the bartender, and being escorted by someone to his apartment, helping him to bed and leaving. That’s it.

There is no way he would’ve been able to overhaul his own apartment and write his own note. Could it have been the person who helped him home who took Makka for a walk? Was the person even trustworthy enough? What if Makka was dognapped?

Something was definitely _wrong_. Viktor has to move, and move fast if he wants to find out what the hell is happening.

Thoughts continued to rush in Viktor’s head as he rushed back to his room, worried for his dog, worried for the state everything is in. His phone rang on the bedside table. He sees Yakov’s name flash on the screen as he picked up the call.

“Hello, Yakov?”

“Vitya! Care to explain why you aren’t already at the rink?”

“The rink... what for?”

“Of course, practice! Why else am I shouting at you over the phone!? Just because I am just on my way from Rostelecom doesn’t mean you’re allowed to slack off!”

Viktor could almost imagine steam fuming out of Yakov from sheer rage. And what was this about practice? Didn’t Yakov just bar him from joining the GPF?

“What!? Yakov what do you mean? Didn’t you just tell me yesterday you’re pulling me out?”

“PULLING YOU OUT!? You’re on your next championship title!”

“That was years ago, Yakov.”

“Vitya, is this one of your sly jokes? I am telling you now that anything you’ll say won’t get you out of this.”

“I am not joking, Yakov. You said you were pulling me out right? What’s your point?”

“Viktor, I am NOT pulling you out of the competition! Not even when your step sequences turn sloppy.”

“Yakov, wait, wait. I don’t understand--”

“Of course, you’ve been too busy mooning over your _boyfriend_ to listen to me, your coach.”

“What boyfriend?” He was pretty sure he had hooked up years ago but felt that it was better to drown in himself in his art in Yuuri’s absence.

“ _Bozhe moi_ , Viktor! I am not having any of this. Stop playing around and get to the rink. If I don’t find you practicing your quads when I get there. I’ll drag you to practice myself!”

Before Viktor could ask anymore questions, Yakov cuts the call. The screen flashing back to the home screen. Viktor’s eyes widened as he stared dumbfounded at the date plastered on the screen, almost dropping his phone in shock. Was it even possible?

‘9:30

Tuesday, 22 November’

Viktor was sure that yesterday was the 5th of December.

Could it be that his phone failed to update? Suddenly, everything that Viktor had witnessed since waking up came crashing down in his mind. His apartment’s interior was different. Even the scent of his bed smelled different. His instincts told him that it could only mean one thing.

_Could he have returned back in time?_

But weren’t they all just myths, legends, fairytales which were just a product of imagination. His eyes couldn’t believe it. He himself couldn’t believe it.  After all, he _must_ be dreaming. There was no way this was possible.

In one last resort to let reality really come crashing down on him, he scrambles over to the living room and over the sofa, picking up the tv remote, turning it on.

The news anchor babbled on with pseudo enthusiasm as Viktor’s eyes zone in on the date shown in the screen. He pinches himself as he stared at the date.

‘November 22, 2016’

Viktor realizes that he returned back to November 22.

Not only that, he realizes that not only had he returned to the 22nd of November but to the year **_2016._**

_4 years back in time._

Viktor slumps over the sofa in disbelief, remote falling from his hand and onto the floor. The voice of the newsanchor fell mute against his ears, a sharp ringing sounding itself inside him in shock. Questions of how was it even possible to be sent back in time, and whether or not this was all real filled his head. So far the only reality which has settled on him was the fact that Makkachin was not at home and whoever  was with him last night probably had her.

As soon as he thought of his pet, Viktor rushes back into his room, throwing on a random shirt and a flimsy jacket before running out of his apartment complex and into the cold, shoes sliding over the snow slick pavement. He ran around the neighborhood, asking around whether they’ve seen a brown standard poodle along with asking for the _complete date_ today to which he had even received incredulous looks.

To anyone else, Viktor must’ve looked like a madman, running around in only a flimsy shirt and sweats, asking each and every person passing by for the date and sightings of a certain poodle, national hero of Russia or not. Viktor almost fell back in shock, earning raised eyebrows from early customers, when he first saw the old man who ran his favorite bakery alongside his wife alive and well.

‘Wait... _godspodi_ , I’m _in 2016_.’ Viktor slaps his hand against his forehead. Due to all his panic, Viktor had failed to piece everything together concerning his current state in time. He missed the most important implication.

‘Then that means...’

“They passed by around a few minutes ago.” Mrs. Nikolaev points out, eyes shining behind her round glasses. “Even bought a few of mine to snack on.”

“Ah, thank you.” Viktor heaved out a relieved sigh.

“Such a sweet young lad.” Mrs. Nikolaev leans against her cheek as she looked forlornly outside the bakery’s glass windows. “He reminds me so much of Fyodor back then.”

Viktor smiled in agreement. Mr. Nikolaev was just as patient, and just as kind and sweet.

“I’ll be going then. Thanks again, Mrs. Nikolaev. I’ll make sure to pass by later!” Viktor turns toward the glass doors, waving his hand goodbye.

“Take care!” Her voice lightly chimed with the bells sounding as Viktor made his exit.

Viktor rushed back home, heart pounding loudly in his ears each step he took. He _should’ve_ realized the moment he saw the date and the note. For someone who was from the future, Viktor sure wasn’t thinking ahead. As soon as he neared his apartment, his heart clenched tighter inside his chest.

Viktor couldn’t exactly describe how he was feeling as he set his foot back in his apartment complex. His chest swirled with numerous emotions, crashing against each other in disarray. He was excited, no doubt about that, but mingling with some form of _fear_.

In less than an hour ago, he had woken up back in time, his body felt different, and his apartment was back to how it looked like years before. Viktor isn’t even completely sure that this isn’t a lucid dream, pinching his arm repeatedly as each minute passed as he waited for the elevator to arrive. He could care less about the questioning glances from other tenants. For the last hour, at every turn Viktor took, the fact that he was back in the past was shoved against his face. Dates everywhere were the same, the stores he had seen years ago were up and running, and the people who were gone were back.

None of what’s happened to him makes sense.

Why was he sent back in time?

Why him?

Why to this specific date?

Viktor shook his head as he entered the elevator, mulling defeatedly over his situation. He has to make sure of things somehow but as of now, he still has the situation with Makkachin to sort out _if it can be considered a situation at all._

Some part of Viktor still couldn’t believe all of it. Another part of him is leaping in excitement. And a part of him fears that maybe _he_ was an exception, and that the moment he returns to his apartment, he’ll wake up from this dream before he could even see him again. His heart clenched at the thought of it. Life had been cruel to him, he has no choice but to also expect for the worst, right?

The elevator stops at his floor, and Viktor could feel his heart beating even faster. Viktor had an idea of what to anticipate. After all, if everything happened as they were before, Viktor can be a bit sure of what to expect once he opens the apartment door.

His hands shook, his breath caught in his throat as he twisted the doorknob open, not even needing to key it in. A sense of nostalgia washed over him. How long has it been since he didn’t have to key the door in every time he returned home?

Viktor can hear his heart beat louder as he heard soft yips from the other side of the door. He can hear paws scratching over door as a soft familiar voice cooed over his dog.

Bracing himself he finally opens the door, and is greeted by his lover in a worn down sweater his dog, sitting patiently right beside him.

Viktor felt tears gather in his eyes as he gazed at him. Soft inky black hair slightly mussed. Cheeks flushed a pretty shade of pink, most likely tinged with the winter cold from his walk outside. Lips plump, and drawn into a welcoming smile. Blue rimmed glasses perched against his nose, the frames accentuating the gorgeous, warm brown which sparkled behind.

“Yuuri...”

Everything about Yuuri was exactly as he remembered him four years ago. The Yuuri who looked ethreal no matter how he presented himself. The Yuuri whose soft voice sounded as they conversed over everything and nothing at the same time. The Yuuri who was always patient with him, no matter the occasion. The Yuuri whose eyes showed fierced determination, and his movements showing his independence and innate grace. Calloused hands and feet, evidence of his passion for dancing. The Yuuri whose smile would always be engraved in him.

The Yuuri he had loved oh so dearly.

“Welcome back, Viktor!” Yuuri’s voice was music to Viktor’s ears.

The tears that have gathered in his eyes fell as soon as he heard him utter his name, face scrunching up as he willed himself to speak. Viktor felt as if his heart had broken and repaired itself all at once. His chest bubbled with emotion as he slowly took everything in.

“Are you real?” Viktor’s voice was watery as he spoke, cerulean eyes taking in every detail of his boyfriend.

“Vitya, what’s gotten into you?” Yuuri’s expressed his concern, eyebrows knotting in worry. “Is something wrong? What happened?”

How long has it been since he heard his nickname come from his angel’s lips. Before Viktor could even think, his body moved, flinging his arms around Yuuri, burying his face in his lover’s chest. Yuuri smelt like always did before, _home_.

Makkachin stood up, whining as he saw his master in tears, paws resting over Viktor’s side and snout bumping against his leg in comfort.

“You’re here...You’re really here.” Viktor’s voice broke as he spoke, leaning his ear against Yuuri’s chest, listening to the calming rhythm of his heart.

“Of course I’m here.” Viktor could hear the sincerity in Yuuri’s voice, feeling Yuuri’s arms cradle him as he wept. Fingers combed through his hair as his tears continued to fall.

Viktor clutched Yuuri in his arms, crying in joy knowing that even in his arms, Yuuri didn’t disappear, Yuuri was _real_.

“You’re real, you’re real, you’re real.”

 

**_End of Day 1, 11/22/2016_ **


	2. Quickening

**_Day 2, 11/23/2016_ **

Viktor wakes up to find that he is still back in time. Yuuri’s arms were wrapped around him tightly as he snored, his warm body pressing against Viktor’s in his sleep. Their legs were tangled under the covers, and at their feet, Makkachin dozed off comfortably, her legs twitching a bit as she dreamt.

Viktor almost forgot just how exhilirating it was to wake up in Yuuri’s arms. Yuuri’s sweet homely scent clouding his senses as he pressed his face to his chest, to which he received an almost inaudible mumble.

“Viktor...that tickles...” Yuuri’s voice was laden with sleep. His body curled a bit around Viktor as he tried to make himself more comfy.

Viktor couldn’t help but nuzzle deeper into his embrace, breathing in more of his lover’s scent.

After Viktor’s breakdown in front of Yuuri, Viktor had opted to only attend practice in the afternoon much to Yakov’s chagrin. He was immediately greeted by a drawn out lecture (one of many which Viktor had earned throughout the years), Yakov fuming right before his eyes. It was almost as if steam was threatening to escape from Yakov’s face, red with anger and annoyance.

Viktor skates his best as an apology, receiving minimal amounts of criticism. His rinkmates, Georgi and Mila, watched in amusement, wondering if they can follow in Viktor’s methods (and probably mess even more with their coach while they’re at it). Yakov had looked significantly calmer after Viktor’s attempt at appeasing him. Viktor smiled in triumph at his coach, and Yakov ultimately lets him off practice with a warning.

_“Vitya, I can’t have you slacking off now especially when I have new skaters coming on along with the GPF. I won’t have them thinking that any coaching under me will be easy.” Yakov said gruffly as Viktor removed his skate guards._

_“I’m sure they won’t think that, Yakov.” Viktor said it like it was a fact. “You’re best coach out there after all.”_

_“Hmph, even so. Don’t forget you’ll be helping me with training them as well.”_

_“I’m looking forward to that.”_

_“You best be prepared. These kids, they look up to you. Don’t make them regret it.”_

_“Of course.”_

_“And Viktor?... I expect you’ll be staying the whole day tomorrow to make up for cutting today’s practice. That free skate better be polished to the fullest.”_

Viktor smiled as he reminisced over yesterday’s events. After practice, he had spent the rest of the day with Yuuri in _their_ apartment, lounging about. Viktor was not shy in showing his enthusiasm for seeing his beloved again. Each sentence laced with immense appreciation and a tinge of longing as he commented on every little thing Yuuri did, to which Yuuri replied with his face coloring a pretty shade of red, and at times a straight brow raised in suspicion to Viktor’s antics.

It wasn’t long until Yuuri stirred awake, hair a mess and a line of drool stuck on his chin. Viktor chuckled at his fiance’s state, brushing a thumb over his chin as he wiped off that excess saliva.

“You’ve always looked adorable when you wake up, even with drool on your cheek.” Viktor commented cheekily.

“Hmmh...” Yuuri slurred, sleep still weighing down his eyes. 

They eventually hopped out of bed and had breakfast. Not before Viktor and Makkachin smothered Yuuri with kisses all over his face. As soon as they’re set to go, the two leave for their respective practice areas, Viktor to the rink, and Yuuri to the Bolshoi theatre rehearsal.

As soon as Viktor separated from Yuuri, his thoughts returned to the situation at hand. He was partly trapped in this predicament. If he acts unusually (such as cutting practice to find answers, or spending even less time with Yuuri), he’ll just raise suspicion. He’d rather not deal with that seeing as he has bigger things to worry about. Viktor thinks that the best he can do for now is to act the same way he did before while searching for answers without raising suspicion. Who knows how they’d react to Viktor’s so called ‘nonsense’?

Viktor arrives at the rink, Yakov already at the barrier calling out skating faults at his students on the ice. Yakov signals him to get on the ice and go through his programs. It was difficult at first, trying to remember the choreography of something he had skated years ago, but Viktor tried his best to replicate he had done in the past competition. Of course, Yakov was there to ‘remind’ him of the choreography as well.

He skates through his program, mind drifting off once again.

From what he vaguely remembers years ago, at this time he had been going through practice nonstop, anything to defend his title as champion. All that practice replaced his time with Yuuri, even during and after Yuuri’s performance with the Bolshoi. Come to think of it, when was the last time Viktor actually prepared something for Yuuri? When was the last time Viktor had been there for Yuuri?

These moments of support, Viktor found it possible to count them on one hand, much to his disappointment in himself. Viktor hadn’t been a great partner to Yuuri. Maybe he was in the beginning, but as time passed he knew he let Yuuri down so many times.

One too many times had Yuuri locked himself inside the bathroom crying, stressed, anxious and afraid. Yuuri had told him not to worry about it, and to leave him be if things like that happened.

.

.

.

_“Yuuri...open up...please.” Viktor waited for Yuuri to open the door. At this point, Viktor could hear his boyfriend still sniffing through his tears even through the bathroom door._

_“No...I’ll be fine. You can go ahead, and sleep.”_

_“Yuuri, if you need anything-“_

_“It’s fine, Viktor.” Viktor knew he wasn’t. Viktor wanted to push further, anything to bring Yuuri out of his darkness._

_He heaved a sigh as he decided. Viktor decides not to push anymore. Yuuri will talk to him about it if he feels comfortable enough._

_Needless to say, neither of them slept well that night._

_._

_._

_._

 

Viktor’s heart clenched each and every time, the pressure of becoming a premier danseur took its toll on Yuuri. And each time after, Yuuri still stood strong and persevered as if nothing had happened. Looking at it now, Viktor doesn’t deserve Yuuri back in his life. Not after letting him down for so many times, for letting him just be when he was at the brink of destroying his own career. Yuuri was too good for Viktor. He was strong despite focusing only on his weaknesses. He was patient with him despite shafting him to the side in favor of skating, and even through all those misunderstandings. He was kind no matter how many times Viktor screwed up. And most of all, he loved him despite his flaws.

Yuuri deserved better than him.

Yuuri deserves someone better.

At this moment, Viktor clenches his fists as he skated backwards, gaining speed before launching himself into the Quad Flip, landing steadily with a flourish.

“Too stiff, Vitya!”

Gazing down at the ice, Viktor decides that Yuuri did deserve better, and for that he’ll become better _for Yuuri._ May his stay here be permanent or temporary. Viktor will do his best and beyond.

Yakov calls out to his skaters, shouting at his students, and signalling them for the lunch break.

Viktor looks at the time displayed on the wall. It was 1 in the afternoon. Viktor remembers practicing even during lunchbreak or eating lunch alone at the rink cafeteria. It had always felt lonely. The others went out to buy lunch, Yakov too. Ultimately, it had always been Viktor who was left alone in the rink.

Viktor takes a glance at his phone as he arrives in the locker room, his rinkmates freshening up before heading out. It was only 1 in the afternoon, Yuuri must be on break too. As soon as Viktor thinks of Yuuri, he swipes on the screen on his phone, scrolling to Yuuri’s contact number.

He just hopes Yuuri is free as he thought he would be.

 

* * *

 

 

“I really love the way you look when you eat.”

They were at a Japanese restaurant halfway near the theatre. Much thanks to Viktor’s luck, Yuuri had been ‘evicted’ out of practice by Madame Baranovskaya for overexerting himself. Yuuri was about to practice in private, Viktor’s call surprising him as he almost dropped it in the toilet in shock.

“But...I’ve always eaten like this?” Yuuri raises his chopsticks to his mouth, devouring a piece of grilled salmon.

“I love it all the same.” Viktor spoke with such adoration as he let out a dreamy sigh, his own hand gripping his chopsticks, fish patiently waiting at the tips.

“O-okay?” Yuuri said unevenly, his suspicion rising even more. “Are you sure you’re alright Vitya? Nothing wrong? You’ve been acting weird lately, not that it’s a bad thing. I really appreciate it but...yeah are you sure you’re okay?”

Yuuri’s hand reaches for Viktor’s across the table.

‘Should I tell him...?’

Don’t get Viktor wrong. He may be acting all lovey dovey and ‘normal’ around his peers but his mind is still trying wrap around the fact that he is still back in time with no probable sign of him returning to the future.

If he decides to tell Yuuri about being sent from the future, would he even believe him?  Would _anyone_ believe him? Come to think of it, telling Yuuri of his probable future would just cause all kinds of stress to his lover. Aside from that, how could he begin to explain something that is logically impossible? Viktor still has to figure out where to go from here. Is he supposed to just go on with his ‘current’ life or should he find a way back? Would him staying here cause anything to become worse?

Questions after questions filled Viktor’s mind as he stared off into the distance in thought. Yuuri watched over his boyfriend in worry. Yuuri couldn’t deny that ever since the day before, something had been off about Viktor.

Before Yuuri could ask any more questions, a young blond teen taps Yuuri on his shoulder. His hair was tied into a bun, green eyes bored as he studied the couple from the side.

“Oh, Yuri! What is it? Did Madame Baranovskaya call for me?” Yuuri spoke lightly.

“She just told me to tell you to come back in a few hours. Don’t bother rushing since she’ll be checking on the other dancers’ part in the final act.” Yuri spoke nonchalantly, seemingly used to being a messenger of Lilia.

“I see. I pushed too hard earlier didn’t I?”

“You should be more careful, moron.”

Viktor stared at the young teen, finding him oddly familiar. Yuri’s green eyes shifted to him in a glare.

“What are you staring at, old man?”

Then it clicked. This was the pickpocket who stole from him several nights ago. There was no mistaking it. Same features, same disposition. It was surprising for Viktor to find that this child worked under Lilia Baranovskaya. It seemed that things would have been a lot more different for both of them.

“Nothing.” Yuri truly reminds Viktor of an angry kitten, claws out and snarling.

“Pfft...whatever, old man. I’m outta here.” The teen turns to leave but not without chiding his senior.

“And pig, don’t you dare overexert yourself again. Got it!?”

“Yeah. Thanks, Yuri.”

Yuuri and Viktor waved goodbye at the teen before returning back to their food.

“Yuri, huh?” Viktor started. Viktor coudln’t deny that his curiosity had built up over the teen.

“Oh, he’s a new student of Lilia’s. He got scouted for a scholarship into the Bolshoi, you know? He’s quite talented for someone so young.”

“Wow, he must be amazing then.” Viktor exclaimed as he took a bite of his fish.

“Yes, very. A genius really. But he says this is part of his training. He wants to figure skate professionally.” Yuuri explains fondly.

“I’d look forward to seeing him on the ice from what you say. I bet he’s one of Yakov’s new recruits.” Viktor muses. It’s quite possible that this Yuri would be, especially with the background in ballet. Yuuri had also enjoyed figure skating but he had found that he enjoyed the art of ballet even more. Not to say, his love for the sport diminished because it didn’t, not one bit.

“He says he wants to be. He’ll try gaining Yakov’s favor through Lilia. A smart move if you ask me. So he’s putting everything into retaining his scholarship.”

“Smart kid.” Viktor almost chuckles, remembering how ‘innocent’ Yuri was when he pickpocketed him. Albeit, smart but still a child. Viktor finds it oddly endearing, knowing how different but essentially the same he was in the future.

Viktor can’t help but think sullenly of how screwed both of them were in the future.

A future without Yuuri would be bleak indeed.

“That he is. Under all that teenage angst.” Yuuri chuckled at his words. Viktor could tell Yuuri had become close to the teen. Viktor smiled sadly thinking that if he had spent more time with Yuuri he would’ve seen how their friendship grew over time before.

Viktor wished he had witnessed more of Yuuri. To his dismay, he had wasted it.

What exactly should he do now?

“Hey, Viktor? What’s the matter?” Yuuri said, breaking Viktor out of his trance.

“It’s nothing really...” Viktor smiled reassuringly, his hand squeezing Yuuri’s back.

 ‘Nothing can ever be wrong with having you with me again.’ Viktor thought as he returned Yuuri’s gaze warmly.

“To put it simply, I’m just really happy to be around you Yuuri.”

He’ll try to figure out things as soon as he can.

****

****

****

****

****

**_Day 3, 11/24/2016_ **

Viktor had been a bit distracted the other night (it had been such a long time since he had made love with Yuuri), delaying his planned visit to the location of the bar he had been at the other night. Viktor’s gut had told him the bar itself had something to do with his being sent back in time, along with the bartender whom he vaguely remembers helping him back to his apartment.

Admittedly, Viktor’s memories were still abit fuzzy that night. Something new to him. He may act out when he’s drunk enough but he is lucky enough to remember somewhat accurately unlike his dear Yuuri, who completely blacks out when he’s drunk to which he decided to never drink beyond one glass of alcohol ever again. (Viktor would still try to get him to by the way).

He has been wandering around the supposed location of the bar, but to no avail. Kachu was just not there. So much for what the bartender had told him: the bar hadn’t relocated throughout the years considering they have good enough business in this part of St. Petersburg.

It was suspiscious. A bar that had been there for more than a decade disappeared as if it was never really there in the first place.

Viktor had been here almost two hours now. Yuuri must be looking for him at this time. Viktor is almost ready to give up. However, from the corner of his eye he spots a familiar looking woman about to get into a taxi.

Viktor sprints towards her, her features becoming more and more recognizable each step of the way. The more he recognized her, the faster Viktor ran.

 “Wait!” Viktor calls after her, hoping to buy some of her time.

‘A bar that has been there for years was gone, and yet the bartender who ran the bar was right here.’ Viktor slowed to a stop as the woman turned to look at him.

“What do you want from me?” She was exactly as Viktor remembers, grey eyes scrutinizing him.

“I was wondering if you’ve worked at a bar around here before.”

“I have never worked at a bar before.” The woman said dismissively with a wave of her hand as she reached her hand to open up the taxi.

Viktor in his somewhat crazed state, stops her from opening the door, earning him an incredulous look from the bartender. Viktor was moving on instinct. He was pretty sure the taxi driver was getting impatient at this point.

The way the woman answered his question was to be expected, but Viktor could have sworn he saw a small smirk grace her features before she turned away.

“I saw you! You were at Kachu bar and you were serving me a few drinks.” Viktor stated with conviction, his hand clutching the woman’s wrist.

“Are you drunk? Ugh, let go of me. I should call--” She reaches into her handbag, fishing around for her phone.

“I’m not! Just please...I don’t know what’s happening. I don’t know why everything is the way it is now.” Viktor stops her from searching for her phone any further.

The woman stares at him in shock. Who would have thought Viktor Nikiforov was like this in real life right? Anyone who would have witnessed him right now would peg him as a madman, spewing nonsense and whatnot.

At this point, Viktor couldn’t care less. He needs to find answers in any way he can. His repuation be damned.

 “The other night, I drank myself a bit silly but I remember you serving me some weird vodka...It was as if I was _hypnotized_ or something. The next thing I knew. I woke up and I’m 4 years in the past.” Viktor said in one breath.

The woman listened to him, seemingly unimpressed, gaze stone cold on Viktor, her wrist still caught in hsi grip.

“Alright, I don’t know you, well _maybe_ I do because you’re damn _Viktor Nikiforov,_ and I don’t know what you’re talking about. So why don’t you just let go of me and leave me alone?”

 “....Yeah...you’re right. I’m sorry. I just don’t know what’s happening to me.” Viktor released his grip on her, as he stared at the ground in defeat.

 “Look...it looks like you need some help. I’m not saying I can help you but I can at least listen to whatever it is that’s bothering you.” She closed her eyes as she spoke, as if in contemplation.

Viktor didn’t know what to say. The stress of all the changes in his life had gotten into him. God help him get through this.

“On one condition...you leave me alone, and never speak of this event and neither shall I. Got it?” The woman pointed out.

Viktor gave a solemn nod. If she hadn’t worked at a bar before (no matter how suspiscious she seems to him), she would at least have something helpful, hopefully.

“I just...don’t know why I am here?” They had settled down on a bench in a nearby park.

“Well, I don’t know either to be honest. You’re the one who struck up contact with a stranger.” She chides him. Her words stung.

“You can leave if you want to though. I won’t force you to stay.” Viktor replies, guilt building up in his chest. Everything he’s done so far tonight has been crazy. He’d be surprised not to find some scoop on him tomorrow morning. He runs a hand through his hair. He had lost his composure when he saw her.

You see, Viktor is a calm man but send him back in time with no explanation as to how and why, that turns him into a madman. He almost rivals Yuuri’s madness in overpracticing really.

“Nah, I won’t. This is too entertaining to pass up. It’s Minako by the way.” Minako smirks at her companion.

“I know.”

“Haha, what!?”

“No, nothing. I just hope you know I wouldn’t be doing these things if I wasn’t desperate. This is a whole new dimension for me. I never expected that I would end up doing anything like this and end up....well here.” Viktor tried to explain as best as he could, as normal as he could but unfortunately there is nothing normal at all at what has happened.

“Yeah, yeah. A man like you wouldn’t be doing crazed things like this right? Whatever your reason is, it must be real good, hm?” The way she spoke had Viktor’s ears ringing for some reason. Viktor shook his head in discomfort.

He looked to his side to find Minako smiling at him, her grey eyes a swirling silver. Viktor felt he was being pulled in. Viktor shifted his gaze somewhere else, avoiding the woman’s hypnotizing gaze.

At Minako’s prompt, Viktor shares his story, vaguely explaining some inexplicable parts of course, to which Minako listened attentively.

“I love how everything is but...I don’t feel like I deserve this. There has to be some sort of catch.”

 “Well then it’s simple. Prove that you deserve it before someone decides you don’t.”

For some reason, those words struck a pang of coldness in his chest. Viktor wasn’t sure if it was something or it is merely the effect of the truth of what Minako just said. Her voice was like steel as she spoke.

“I don’t know if I can believe your story but I guess it’s only once in a while you’d meet someone so desperate in need of your help. However, that’s the only advice I can give you. I don’t know what’s happening with you but it must’ve been really tough for you.”

Minako’s tone shifted, trying to show she understood what Viktor felt.

“I wish I can really help you but I have things to do.” Minako stands up, grabbing her bag and slinging it over her shoulder.

“It’s fine you can go on ahead. I’m sorry for inconveniencing you. This wasn’t as much in vain as I thought it would be.” Viktor stood up shaking hands with Minako in gratitude.

“One last thing...”

“You were given a second chance...why waste it?”

Minako’s words echoed throughout the air as a strong gush of wind caused Viktor to close his eyes.

Viktor opened them only to find that Minako had disappeared.

Viktor knew in his gut that Minako was the same Minako he had met in 2020. Despite her disposition, something told Viktor that she had been involved in this, or was the reason for it. Her sudden disappearance pretty much cemented that fact.

However, there was no point in searching for her considering she had bailed on him before he could ask any more questions. He’d be wasting his time on her especially with the iminent reality of his situation.

He has a second chance with Yuuri...what is he doing wasting it?

Viktor agreed with her words. He has done so many wrongs before, and now he has the chance to redeem himself. After all, this whole time travel fiasco happened for a reason. Viktor may not know the specifics of it all but he’s sure he’ll at least be able to figure things out from here on out.

He’ll have to make the most of this situation especially with the likely possibility of him being stuck here permanently.

If Viktor wants to set things straight, shower Yuuri with what he truly deserved, then maybe he could forgive himself for all his shortcomings concerning Yuuri.

Everything.

****

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****

****

****

**_Day 4, 11/25/2016_ **

Viktor has been in 2016 for 4 days. It seems that he is to remain here for the rest of his life. Not that he’s complaining about it. In fact he is very much happy to be in Yuuri’s company once again, and this time with much more attention given into repairing their relationship.

Sure, Viktor and Yuuri had fought but the distance which built up due to all the misunderstandings, fights and such stayed stagnant in their relationship. Viktor knew that he had hurt Yuuri a lot of times, all of which were sweeped under the rug with an ‘It’s fine, Viktor.’ before Viktor could even try to make up for.

Viktor had been an idiot for that. It was unfair to Yuuri that he would not make up for his mistakes. It seemed that Yuuri only found it acceptable if he were the one to make up for something--- not Viktor. Viktor frowned at the realization. Viktor wished that he had thought of it earlier, how much Yuuri sacrificed to make sure Viktor was happy with him. Yuuri didn’t realize that Viktor being with him and doing things for him and with him was what made Viktor truly happy. 

“If you ask me, Katsudon doesn’t deserve someone like you.” Viktor sat down with Yuri on the first row of the theatre, watching the rehearsals as Lilia critiqued each movement of her dancers. From his seat, Viktor can tell why Yakov and Lilia had once been married. The fiery, stern dispositions they had were probably what brought them together in the first place.

“I agree, Yuuri deserves the world.” Viktor sighed dreamily, watching his boyfriend execute a near perfect grand jete. Viktor wasn’t lying. To him, Yuuri deserved everything the world has to offer, and more.

‘If only I made time to actually give my everything to him...’ Viktor bitterly berated himself.

“Gross. You’re only here to ogle at him for god’s sake.” Yuri kicks the back of his seat in mock irritation.

“Ahh, but my dear Ice kitten, it is time well spent.” Viktor gazed lovingly at his lover. Yuuri hadn’t actually noticed he arrived since he was too focused on Lilia’s orders.

Eyes widen in surprise as Yuuri takes sight of Viktor, sitting comfortably on the first row, wearing his training clothes.

“V-Viktor!? Don’t you have pratice today?” Yuuri exclaimed,  Lilia turning over to look at Viktor with a glare. Viktor smiles cheekily under Lilia’s gaze. He didn’t know whether or not to be afraid of Lilia. He had been her student for a while when he was younger, but as time passed by, Lilia’s glares along with Yakov’s yells seemed to roll off his shoulders as if they were nothing to him, easing himself back to comfort easily.

“I just missed you a lot that’s all.” Viktor looks to Yuuri, lips forming a heart-shaped smile for his dear lover.

‘I’ve missed you for 4 years, Yuuri.’ Viktor’s words only dripped with truth and with every ounce of the love he always had for Yuuri.

“Viktor.” Viktor would never get tired of seeing the pretty pink hue across Yuuri’s cheeks. “How is it so easy for you to say things like that?”

“Mr. Nikiforov, I would much appreciate if you would kindly leave us to continue on with rehearsals without any distractions. Would you please?” Lilia’s cold stare was trained on him, if Viktor hadn’t met Lilia earlier, he was sure he’d feel a shiver down his spine just from her words.

“No problem, Lilia.” Viktor stood up to leave, calmly mock dusting his pants as he turned towards the aisle.

Viktor could see Yuuri’s expression sadden from the corner of his eye. Was Yuuri disappointed he had to go?

“I’ll be waiting for you outside when you finish, _zolotse_.” Viktor calls out before leaving the theatre, and returning back to practice.

Viktor could’ve sworn he saw Yuuri’s lips upturn into a hopeful smile.

 

* * *

 

 

“Viktor, you really didn’t have to come to the rehearsals. You still have the GPF after all.” Yuuri and Viktor took a short walk after eating out for lunch, the cold breeze tickled their cheeks, Yuuri’s cheeks in particular were tinged with a pretty shade of pink.

“Well, I couldn’t wait to see my Yuuri dance beautifully again.” Viktor’s words spilled out without warning. He hadn’t realized how open he was now compared to before. To him, if only he had been even more straightforward before, then maybe he and Yuuri wouldn’t have fought as much as they did.

“I want to watch you skate again too. You looked amazing. It was _so beautiful_...” Despite Yuuri’s attempt at hiding his smile, it shone through as he spoke, eyes sparkling as he remembered the last time he had watched Viktor skate. That time, Viktor had pleaded Yuuri to stay with him at the end of practice. It was the night Viktor had first showed Yuuri the program which he had made specifically for him. It was Stammi Vicino. His best free skate, and gold medal winning program.

It would’ve been perfect if Yuuri had been there to receive the gold medal from Viktor.

“ _You_ were really _beautiful_ , Viktor.”

A heated blush rushed over Viktor’s cheeks as he heard Yuuri’s words. His eyes went wide, and his lips parted in awe. Viktor missed this _so much_.  4 years had passed, and Yuuri still manages to make his heart race through the simplest of ways.

How Yuuri manages to do that still puzzles Viktor to this day. Viktor, however, attributes it to Yuuri’s indescribable yet addictive charms.

Yuuri suddenly comes to a stop, feet placing themselves in front of the poster for the Bolshoi’s performance of Sleeping Beauty, Yuuri adorning the center of the picture.

Yuuri’s eyes glazed over as he scanned over the poster, Viktor could see how Yuuri’s hands clenched on his side as if trying to stop the way they shook.

It would be Yuuri’s first performance in a leading role. Viktor could literally feel Yuuri’s anxiety rolling over him in waves. Yuuri hid this from him before, masking his nerves with a change in topic, and general avoidance. Viktor didn’t want to pry, waiting for Yuuri to come to him if he needed so.

When Yuuri really needed him however, he just wasn’t there.

_._

_“I only have a few weeks to stay at the Bolshoi. Madame Baranovskaya pitched in so I could stay and find another company before leaving.”_

_“Yuuri—“_

_“I messed up, Viktor. I caved in...” Yuuri’s tears continued to flow freely as he spoke, voice wavering. His opening night performance was ridden with disaster, feet stepping out of position, steps half a beat late, and once languid, flowy movements were stiffened by the fright and cold shivers which crawled up Yuuri’s spine as he stepped out in front of his audience._

_In Yuuri’s mind, maybe it was for the best that Viktor didn’t see him that night._

_“Zolotse, come here...”_

_“No. I’m sorry...I just want to be alone right now.”_

_The door shuts tightly between them. The sound of a lock sliding into place pierced through the air._

.

Viktor winced at the memory. He’s here now, he has to make up for it. He wants to _desperately._

 “Yuuri, is something wrong?” Viktor’s words were careful, hoping that it would allow Yuuri to at least talk about it comfortably.

“I’ve just been nervous that’s all. Just normal pre-performance jitters.” Yuuri replied, eyes glazing over as he recalled the day’s events. “Lilia bluntly told me to stop worrying about it, telling me that it is unbecoming of her premier danseur to be an easy victim of his own nerves.”

“Yuuri—“

‘Yuuri, let me help you. Tell me how can I help you.’ Viktor thought desperately.

“It’s nothing I can’t handle.” Yuuri gives him an easy smile.

 “If you want me to do anything for you, you can tell me, Yuuri.” Viktor insists. He knew Yuuri was trying to hide his nerves, he had to do something, anything.

“It’s fine, Viktor.”

This is going to be tougher than it will ever be. Viktor won’t dare give up on helping him though, no matter what. Viktor decides to take this step by step, prying Yuuri open would only serve to ruin them both.

 “Well then, I can’t wait to see you perform again. It’s been quite a while...”

Yuuri stops in his tracks once again, eyes imploringly locking gaze with Viktor’s.

“...you’re not pushing through with your sponsors?”

Viktor immediately recalled the fact that last week (of this time period a least) Yakov had chewed him out for pushing the date too far which inevitably resulted in him having an extended meeting, effectively making him miss Yuuri’s opening performance. Viktor smiled mischievously at Yuuri.

“I’ll be there.”

“But Viktor...”

“I’ll **be** there, Yuuri.”

“I’ll find a way. I promise.”

“Okay...”

As soon as Viktor and Yuuri arrive separate, Viktor takes out his phone as he makes one last call before going back to the rink.

“Hello, Ms. Medvedeva. Are you and your colleagues free this late afternoon?”

His tone was light as he tried to be as professional as possible.

“Oh, perfect! I’d like to talk about your sponsorship offer...Yes, yes, please bring a copy of the contract as well. I’ll have my lawyer look over it after.”

 

 

 

 

 

**_Day 5, 11/26/2016_ **

The previous night took its toll on Yuuri. Viktor knew well that Yuuri’s anxiety was peaking. He could remember how much he tossed, and turned last night. It was something he wasn’t aware of prior to being sent back in time. It made him feel just as guilty as before, if not even more.

He could only remember that Yuuri had stayed overnight at Lilia’s, probably not getting enough sleep during his stay there as well.

Before it could get any later into the night, Viktor took it upon himself to wrap Yuuri in his arms, roll on top of him, wordlessly urging him to sleep, hoping that this time, he can help Yuuri rest well enough to have an amazing performance.

Unfortunately, Viktor still had his practice to attend to despite wanting to be by Yuuri’s side for most of the day. He hoped to at least be there for Yuuri especially with all the tell tale signs of Yuuri’s anxiety cresting since yesterday (and even before if Viktor had to admit). Yuuri, however, chided him for wanting to abandon Yakov at the rink, and urged him to only come back when it’s time for the show to start.

Viktor, of course, rushes early to the theatre, fresh from the shower and clad in formal attire, a black coat encasing a white waistcoat along with matching black slacks and bowtie. He buys a bouquet of flowers wrapped in pastel blue before entering the theatre.

To his surprise, he heard his phone ring from inside the pocket of his coat. He fishes it out expecting to see a missed call from Yuuri or Yakov, instead his screen shows the number of one of his most important sponsors.

His phone rings again for the second time and Viktor immediately answers it, hoping that it would be a short call.

“Good evening, Mr. Nikiforov. I just wanted to inform you that Mr. Sokolov had set us up for a meeting tonight regarding---“

It seemed that the universe was hell bent on stopping Viktor from watching Yuuri’s performance. Unfortunately for the universe, Viktor had long decided what he would do.

“I’m sorry but I would have to decline.”

“But sir, this is of much importance to your—“

“I also have something important to attend to for this night. I’m sure you and your colleagues are capable of setting it at another date. Am I correct?”

There was a long pause over the line but Viktor could hear the faint sound of voices murmuring over what he had said. Viktor hears a shift on the other line.

“...Yes, sir. I’ll inform Mr. Sokolov right away. We will make sure to better schedule”

“Thank you, have a good night and please send him my regards.”

“We also wish a good night for you sir.”

As soon as Viktor ends the call, he heaves a tired sigh. After turning down all those sponsorship meetings, Viktor oddly felt a sense of accomplishment, along with a tinge of regret. That was such an easy thing to do...and yet why wasn’t Viktor able to do it in the past?

Viktor shook the thoughts out of his head. He has to focus on the now, not what he wasn’t able to do in the past. He continues on his way backstage, walking through the crowd gathered up before the entrance to the theatre.

The production itself had attracted quite a large crowd. Viktor let out a low whistle at the sheer amount of guests waiting to be seated inside the theatre. Viktor slinks his way into the staff’s corridor whilst casually ignoring the stares he got from the staff and other dancers, maneuvering his way backstage and into Yuuri’s dressing room.

He knocks on the door thrice receiving no answer. Viktor tilts his head to the side in curiosity before slowly and carefully turning the knob and opening the door. He is greeted with the sight of his boyfriend slumped against a table sound asleep.

Viktor smiles fondly as he softly approaches his sleeping boyfriend, placing the bouquet of roses right beside him before pulling a seat beside Yuuri. He leans over the table, one hand cradling his cheek as the other traced over Yuuri’s sleeping features, his touch dancing over Yuuri’s cheeks before combing back one stray strand behind Yuuri’s ear.

Yuuri’s eyes flutter before he jumps up awake in his seat. Surprise decorating his features as he took in Viktor in front of him. He rubs his eyes twice before speaking.

“Viktor?  You’re here.”

“Of course, I promised didn’t I?”

Yuuri’s smile could have blinded Viktor at that very moment but it disappears as quickly as it appeared. A voice from outside the door shouted that for everyone to get ready, the show will start in about 15 minutes. Yuuri’s lips formed a tight line, and his brows knitted into a knot as soon as the announcement reached his ears.

Viktor immediately felt his heart plummet to his stomach. Viktor couldn’t imagine what Yuuri had gone through when he hadn’t attended. A sharp pang in his chest wounded Viktor at the thought of it.

He has to do something. Say something. Anything.

“Yuuri, I--”

“Viktor-”

The door slammed open before either of them could continue, a make up staff held his kit as he marched towards Yuuri.

“Oh no Yuuri, we have to get you all prepped up. Why didn’t anyone check on you? Ugh, nevermind. I’ll do it myself.” The make up artist blabbered to himself as he started to get to work.

Viktor stood awkwardly at the side as he watched the man pat foundation onto Yuuri’s face.

“Uhm, Mr. Nikiforov? Would it be alright for you to step out for now? I can’t concentrate.” The man calmly stated as he continued his work, grumbling to himself when he has messed up Yuuri’s eyeshadow.

“Ok, ok.” Viktor replies dumfounded as he slowly makes his way out of the room.

Yuuri almost stands up as soon as he saw Viktor move, the make up artist’s hand on his shoulder kept him in his place as he scolded Yuuri to stay still.

“Wait, Viktor!” Yuuri called out before Viktor could get any further.

“Yuuri, what is it?”

“Please, watch me.” Viktor sees Yuuri gulp before the words tumbled out of his mouth. Viktor felt his breath get taken away at Yuuri’s words. The effect that Yuuri has on him is astounding.

“Of course. After all, I can never take my eyes off of you.” Viktor’s honesty filled each word he uttered.

“Viktor...”

“I’m with you, Yuuri. I’ll always stay close you, remember that.” Viktor says as he closes the door behind him, hoping that his words had helped Yuuri feel better in any way.

 

* * *

 

 

To Viktor’s surprise and utmost relief, Yuuri did amazingly on stage, playing the role of the Prince splendidly. Viktor almost wanted to be Yuuri’s partner in the dance, wanting to once again feel how it would be to lose himself in the music along with Yuuri. 

As soon as the standing ovation ends Viktor runs backstage to congratulate him. Before he can go any further into backstage, Yuuri runs from his place as soon as he caught sight of Viktor, Viktor’s bouquet gripped tightly in his hand.

“Yuuri!!!”

“Viktor!”

Yuuri ran towards Viktor open arms, his face painted with make-up, his costume flowing as he neared. Viktor wraps his arms around Yuuri,  burying his face against Yuuri’s shoulder.

“Hello, solnyshko.” Viktor kisses his temple, arms tight around his lover. “You were so beautiful on stage. I am so proud of you. ”

“I did well,” Yuuri was shaking in his arms, his voice trembled as he spoke. Viktor couldn’t tell if it was built up adrenaline or something else. “Didn’t I?”

“You surprised me, and that’s even better.”

Viktor’s tears ran down his face, and he could feel his shoulder getting wet as he held onto Yuuri even tighter.

What they felt that night was beyond what words could convey.

**_Day 6, 11/27/2016_ **

“We’ll miss him...”

The news was sudden. Well, not so much for Viktor at least but it still managed to shake him at his core.

“I’m sure he would miss the both of you too. For what it’s worth, he went out with a smile on his face. That’s the most my heart could ever ask for him.” Mrs. Nikolaev said, handkerchief softly dabbing on her tears.

Viktor remembers the way Mrs. Nikolaev gazed at him when she had first received the news on Yuuri, offering him a batch of bread as he left the bakery sullenly, _empty_. Viktor knew all too well what Mrs. Nikolaev was going through. For the first time in his life, he had felt powerless. There was no way he could’ve done something to prevent it.

Even if he was sent back, time still flowed smoothly, and everything that is meant to happen along with it.

Viktor glances at Yuuri from the side, Yuuri’s expression solemn as he spoke more with Mrs. Nikolaev.

Viktor recalls the events which transpired the past few days. From a bleak hollow present, he was sent back to a hopeful past. A past where he is continuously putting more effort into his and Yuuri’s relationship. A past which seemed like a dream at most.

Yuuri continued to perform beautifully, Viktor coming devotedly to every performance with a different bouquet each time. It was as if Yuuri himself beckoned him to stay with every bend of his body, with every spin and every step. As if there was a new flame burning within Yuuri that he hadn’t seen before. Viktor felt himself being drawn to him even more.

He takes in Yuuri’s features once again, drinking everything he can see. The way his eyes glitter under the soft lights, the way his brows furrowed as he spoke with concern. The way his lips colored when he bit into them, the ever present hue of pink over Yuuri’s cheeks during the cold. The way Yuuri’s voice sounded soft against the murmurs of other guests. The way he took hold of Viktor’s heart with hardly a lift of his finger.

The way Yuuri was just _Yuuri._

At this very moment, Viktor realized: he has only a week left before losing Yuuri once again.

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**_Day 7, 11/28/2016_ **

It was past 11, almost midnight, and by some miracle, Viktor was still awake while Yuuri is sound asleep.

Viktor mulled over his current dilemma (or he should say their dilemma considering Yuuri’s _in-depth_ involvement). A week from now, considering everything that has happened, he is the only one who can actually do anything concrete to challenge fate. No one knows what is to happen in the future. Only Viktor knows seeing as he was the only one sent back in time after all, Minako disappearing without a trace.

He turns to the side as he reminisced the day. It is safe to assume that he had spent most of the day in silence. Yuuri attributed it to the shock of Mr. Nikolaev’s sudden passing, letting Viktor take reality in at his own pace. In actuality, Viktor was brewing in himself a mix of melancholic emotions and worries, thoughts swirling in his head as reality threatened to wake him.

Yuuri will be gone in a week.

He has to find a way to prevent that.

Any way, even if things seem impossible.

It was his fault in the first place anyway, why he had left on that dreadful night.

.

.

.

_Viktor couldn’t believe it. Yuuri was leaving._

_“Yuuri, if this is about the time when I---“_

_“No, Viktor. This isn’t about you.” Yuuri’s tone was sharp, effectively cutting off any form of negotiation Viktor had conjured in his head. This was a horrible night for the both of them. Yuuri had packed all of his things, their room only left with everything that belonged to Viktor._

_But Viktor belonged to Yuuri right?_

_“It’s about me.” Yuuri spoke through his tears. His expression was a mix of anger and sorrow, twisting his face into a cross between a frown and a grimace. Viktor could feel his chest tighten at the sight._

_“Yuuri...”_

_“Viktor, I’ve had enough. And you’ve had enough too. You and I know our relationship is going nowhere at this point. I’m just dragging you down... and you...you’ve been good to me but...everything has been **too much** , Viktor.” _

_Viktor felt his tears drip as soon as he heard Yuuri’s words._

_“What do you mean by ‘too much’? Yuuri, please, give me one more chance, please.”_

_“Viktor, I- I don’t belong here, not anymore.”_

_“Yuuri, you do! You have a place here, don’t you see? Everyone--”_

_“Viktor, that’s just it. I don’t”. Yuuri’s voice was wet, his tears continued to stream down his face “And to be honest...I never belonged here. I never even belonged to you. We never belonged to each other.”_

_Viktor could hear his heart shatter to pieces. Words he never expected for Yuuri to utter stabbing him right through his chest, the effect rippling through his body._

_“Yuuri, how can you say that you’re leaving when you clearly don’t even want to!”_

_“Viktor, you don’t understand. I don’t want to but I have to! Don’t you get it!?”_

_“Are you telling me that you’re giving up? Are you telling me to give up on us? Yuuri I can’t. I would never!”_

_“Let’s end this.”_

.

.

.

Viktor decided that if he wanted to really prove to Yuuri how much he loved him, he had to go all out and plan meticulously. Because maybe, _maybe,_ if he shows him clearly, and if he doesn’t leave him that night, then maybe he’ll _save_ Yuuri this time.

Viktor had already mentally listed down his overall plan. However, Viktor felt something was lacking.

The only thing that could make his plan perfect was...

Viktor brought out his laptop in a haste, punching in the letters of the website, preparing himself to book a last minute flight for two.

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**_Day 8, 11/29/2016_ **

Yuuri wakes up to sunlight shining over his eyes as he curled further into the comforter. He feels a cold draft pass over his body causing him to shiver at the sensation, bundling himself even further into the thick blanket. For some reason, the bed felt lighter than it usually was, a certain warm body missing from the confines of the bed.

Yuuri opens his eyes, blearily looking around the room as he sat up. It would be a rest day for both of them today, Viktor having gotten permission from Yakov to take one day off from the week and Yuuri was already given the break from Lilia due to his recent performance in order to avoid any further overexertion on his body.

Lilia praised him for breathing life once again into their production of Sleeping Beauty, stating that it had been quite a while since she had encountered a danseur who was able to bring something new to the ballet. The day off is, in Lilia’s exact words, his reward for the success he has brought upon the performance.

Yuuri stretches as he sat on the side of the bed, feeling his muscles strain beneath his skin. He idly reminds himself to stretch as much as possible to ease the tension. He looks to the wall, blinking at the time shown on the clock, 9:00 am. It was a little bit late for a typical morning but Yuuri indulges himself anyway, he decides to bury himself back in bed and get just a few more minutes of shut eye.

Viktor had been acting oddly since last week. To Yuuri’s shock, he returned home from a morning walk to have Viktor clutching him tight around his waist as tears drenched his chest, crying as he kept asking him if he was real. Yuuri worried for him, he hadn’t slept properly the past few days, couple that with some nightmares Viktor never dared to talk about. Yuuri had hugged him back in sympathy, feeling as if he could end up crying at that very moment from how sincere Viktor spoke.

Last week had felt surreal to Yuuri. Sure Viktor had his moments of surprises but the way he felt was as if Viktor treasured each and every day they spent last week felt overwhelming. It was as if Viktor was pressed for time, compressing every ounce of his emotion into those 7 days. All of which had Yuuri becoming hypersensitive to his every word and action, each simple movement creating a ripple in Yuuri’s heart, melting him down to his toes. Yuuri could only take it in stride, hoping that things would continue to become better.

Especially for Viktor.

Viktor had always been the type of man who would really immerse himself in his art, forgetting the world as he polished his masterpiece to perfection. He’d submerge himself in his ideas, gather them up together and make art worthy of being presented to the world.

To say the least, it was the Viktor who presented himself to the world which Yuuri had first fallen in love with, and the Viktor behind the masks he wore for his audience was the one he would continue to love.

However, Yuuri felt small in this world Viktor had built up, as if he was a mere audience in a play starred only by Viktor throughout the years they were together. Time and again, Yuuri would have to melt into the shadows as Viktor stood in the spotlight. Yuuri, himself assigning himself to melt back into the darkness each time.

Viktor deserved more than to have a mere shadow hanging around in his show.

That’s what Yuuri thought at least. He did his best to show the world that he is worthy to be with Viktor, working hard on his dance each and every day, not realizing that as the two of them worked on their art in their isolation that they were distancing themselves from each other.

Yuuri would do his best to avoid having Viktor watch him practice his dance, and Viktor would slave away hours at the rink just to perfect everything.

Yuuri was afraid of what Viktor might think if he sees him struggling with what is supposedly an easy series of steps in dance. He was afraid of showing any sort of weakness. He was afraid that Viktor might realize that Yuuri wasn’t worth it at all.  

This inevitably let them fuel their quarrels, further multiplying the distance between them.

Viktor pointing out bluntly Yuuri’s fears as if in distaste, insensitive to the way Yuuri flinched at his every word.

Yuuri cutting off any sort of question Viktor had concerning his position at the ballet and struggles, Viktor’s morale decreasing each and every time he does so.

The last week’s events were largely unexpected but in essence it was the very reason why Yuuri had become braver than he ever felt he was. The night of his opening performance displaying the sudden boldness which brewed throughout the days.

For once, Yuuri wasn’t afraid.

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri wakes to find that it is already 10:00 am. He scrambles off the bed deciding that it was getting too late in the morning, his stomach had to agree. He walks out of the room, a delicious scent danced in the air as Yuuri walked closer to the kitchen.

He smiles, finding his lover in the middle of plating breakfast, several pans already stacked in the sink.

“Yuuri! Happy Birthday!” Viktor’s heart shaped smile greeted him, his boyfriend walking to him to envelope him in a tight hug, and a kiss on the lips. 

“Thank you, Viktor.” Yuuri wraps his arms around Viktor’s neck, pulling him to another kiss. He couldn’t help but smile against Viktor’s lips. “You didn’t have to cook breakfast for me. We could’ve cooked it together, you know?”

 “It’s your special day today, _zolotse_. Let me spoil you at least.”

Makkachin trotted up to them, pawing over Yuuri’s thighs in greeting. Yuuri kneels down and pats the dog lovingly as he is rewarded with lick to his face.

“See? Even Makka wants to spoil you today.”

“Okay, okay. Thanks you two.” Yuuri says standing up as he moved to eat breakfast with Viktor.

Viktor’s syrinkis were delicious, Yuuri couldn’t help but take bite after bite much to Viktor’s amusement. The way the flavor melted into his mouth was heavenly, and the way Viktor grinned at him at every bite made it even tastier.

When Yuuri stood up from his seat when he was done, Viktor stops him from moving any inch further. Yuuri raises his brows in curiosity, wondering what else Viktor could’ve prepared for him.

Viktor turns around and retrieves an envelope.

‘A letter? A card?’ Yuuri guessed in his mind as he was handed the piece of white envelope.

“What are you waiting for, Yuuri? Go open it.” Viktor’s voice lightly urged Yuuri.

With curiosity gracing his features, Yuuri carefully opens the envelope...

To find two tickets to Fukuoka, Japan, departure dated tonight at midnight.

Yuuri’s eyes continued to spill tears as his lips moved over Viktor’s. It was a little bit before dinner, he and Viktor had just returned from the rink after Viktor showed Yuuri his new exhibition program, skated to the same music from his ballet, and Yuuri couldn’t help but show just how much he appreciated Viktor for _everything_.

They had stumbled onto their bed, hands roaming around each other’s bodies, pulling off any sort of barrier between their skin.

As soon as Viktor removes Yuuri’s sweater his lips attach themselves at the junction of Yuuri’s neck and shoulder, suckling over sensitive skin until it bloomed a bruised pink. Viktor traced his lips over Yuuri’s shoulders, pink lips caressing over smooth skin. Yuuri could feel goosebumps appearing on his skin, Viktor’s touch electric against his body.

Viktor’s hands traced over Yuuri’s hips as he lowered his lips onto Yuuri’s once again, chasing Yuuri’s lips with chaste kisses over and over again. Yuuri lets out a pleased moan at the touch of Viktor’s tongue against his bottom lip, opening his lips with gusto as their tongues danced with each other’s.

Yuuri could feel himself harden, grinding himself over Viktor’s thigh lodged between his legs, teasingly rubbing over his taint and under his balls. He felt the way their saliva drip from his mouth, spilling downwards towards his chin and dirpping onto his chest.

Viktor detaches his lips from his for a brief moment, licking over Yuuri’s lips before biting into them softly. Yuuri allows himself to get lost in their kiss, feeling his head get lighter and lighter each passing moment. Yuuri could hear Viktor’s moans get louder when he pushed his tongue into Viktor’s mouth, teeth clicking against each other from the movement.

Viktor’s lips were soft against his, his hands a rough contrast as they continued to explore his body, settling down on his ass as his calloused hands squeezed his asscheeks roughly. Yuuri lets out a squeak, feeling a lone finger trace teasingly over his rim, not pressing in just caressing over where he really wants it.

Yuuri pushes Viktor back, climbing onto his lap as he settled in his place. Yuuri was adamant in showing his love for Viktor just as adamant as Viktor is in spoiling Yuuri tonight.

Yuuri presses his lips over Viktor’s collar bones, tongue tracing over the skin, sucking bruises onto his boyfriend’s skin. Viktor moans at the sensation. Yuuri could feel Viktor’s cock filling from his work. Yuuri continued to kiss down his chest, licking at the muscles which were formed from Viktor’s years in training.

Viktor pulls up Yuuri to meet his gaze, lips capturing Yuuri’s as he moved to lower Yuuri down onto the bed. Yuuri was too stubborn to allow Viktor to let him, and only him feel utmost pleasure tonight. Yuuri pushes back against Viktor, hands clutching over Viktor’s shoulders.

“Yuuri, it’s your night tonight, let me—“

 “Viktor, I want to make you feel good too. Please.”

Viktor allowed Yuuri to take the lead, sitting back as Yuuri got back to work.  Yuuri grinded down on Viktor’s arousal, allowing it to slip between his cheeks. He returns to kissing down Viktor’s chest until he reaches Viktor’s cock standing proudly.

Yuuri wraps his hand around the base, before licking over the head teasingly which earns him a deep moan coming from Viktor. Yuuri could hear the way Viktor’s breath hitched as he decided to take it in his mouth, closing his lips over it as he sucked reverently.

Viktor’s hands bury themselves in Yuuri’s hair, pulling every now and then whenever his cock hit the back of Yuuri’s throat. Yuuri continued to suck fervently, now bobbing his head over Viktor’s dick, bringing Viktor closer and closer to orgasm. Yuuri felt the way Viktor’s thighs shook under his hold, heard the way his groans increased in volume, tasted the saltiness of Viktor’s cum, and felt the way his hands tightened in his hair.

Yuuri could feel himself dripping onto the comforter from everything.

Before Viktor could finish in his mouth, Yuuri is tackled onto the bed, his back flat against the mattress and his hands pinned above his head.

“Yuuri...if we want this to last, I suggest you let me take the lead for now.” Viktor spoke huskily into his ears, blowing a puff of air over it teasingly. Yuuri could only shiver in anticipation.

Viktor kissed down his chest, stopping over his nipples to lick, suck and bite over them. Viktor hoists up Yuuri’s legs over his shoulders as he reached Yuuri’s cock. He sucks on the head harshly, Yuuri keening over the sensation. He continues towards Yuuri’s taint tongue exploring as he went, until he reached Yuuri’s hole.

Yuuri felt Viktor blow over it, feeling his legs shake over Viktor’s shoulders from the tease. Yuuri lets out sigh once he feels Viktor’s lips in his rim, Viktor’s tongue licking over his winking hole. Yuuri moans as he feels Viktor stiffen his tongue, prodding his opening along with a lubed finger. As one finger thrusted inside him, Viktor’s lips sucked harshly over Yuuri’s opening before dipping in his tongue.

Yuuri’s hands scramble to Viktor’s hair, pulling every time Viktor delved his tongue deeper into Yuuri, and each time Viktor added another finger. Yuuri couldn’t help but thrust himself onto Viktor’s hands, ass clenching tight over Viktor’s tongue and digits. He feels a knot form in his abdomen, finding himself nearly bursting at the seams.

His breaths came in pants as Viktor continued his ministrations, pressing Yuuri’s insides as he searched for his sweet spot. Yuuri let out a loud moan, tears forming at the corners of his eyes as Viktor’s finger rubbed over his prostate, his tongue diligently licking over his hole. Yuuri felt his insides clench even tighter the more Viktor prodded him.

Yuuri could feel himself inch closer and closer onto the edge. To his dismay, Viktor removes his fingers and mouth off him, the action leaving Yuuri wanting more, wanting the empty feeling inside him to be filled.

“Viktor...get inside me.” Yuuri whines as he parts his legs enticingly.

“Of course, solnyshko. Whatever you want.” Viktor aligns himself against Yuuri’s hole before pushing in, gritting his teeth.

Yuuri could feel the pleasure of being filled to the brim spread through him. Viktor fit perfectly inside him, Yuuri’s insides squeezed excitedly over Viktor’s length.

Yuuri gazed up at Viktor’s face. A high flush rested on his cheeks, sweat beaded over his forehead, dripping onto him from Viktor’s body. His hair was a disheveled mess, pulled at every direction because of Yuuri’s hands. His lips were bitten a nice red, contrasting against his pale skin.

All in all, Viktor was a vision in Yuuri’s eyes. He couldn’t be any more perfect.

Moans sounded in harmony as Viktor set a relentless pace, eager to tip Yuuri over the edge. His hips were cradled between Yuuri’s thighs as worked for it, skin slapping against skin. Viktor hitches one of Yuuri’s legs over his shoulders, changing the angle of his thrusts, making Yuuri see stars at every thrust in.

As soon as they reached their peak, Viktor rested himself over Yuuri’s body, his hands cradling Yuuri’s cheeks as his blue eyes gazed lovingly into Yuuri’s.

“Happy Birhday, my Yuuri...”

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**_Day 9, 11/30/2016_ **

‘This isn’t right...’

Yuuri’s thoughts floated in his mind as he slept.

‘He doesn’t belong with me. He belongs somewhere else... Somewhere better.’

.

.

.

_“I...I’m alive?” Yuuri stared at his reflection in the mirror._

_One moment he had his eyes closed in anticipation for the impact, the next moment he is back to his and Viktor’s apartment, clad in only his boxers and Viktor’s shirt hanging off his frame. He woke up to a Viktor snuggling him against the comforter in his sleep, Yuuri jumping out of the bed in surprise as he rushed to lock himself in the bathroom._

_Everything...was everything just a dream?_

_Yuuri stared at his reflection, pinching over his cheeks to find that he still felt pain, so this definitely wasn’t a dream._

_Did he dream of leaving Viktor all this time?_

_Why was he still with Viktor?_

_“Yuu—uuri... Lilia called to let you remind you that it’s November 10. Your costume will be ready for the final fitting.” Viktor knocks on the door, before opening it._

_Yuuri clutched his knees as he leant against the wall, sobbing relentlessly._

_“Yuuri...?” Viktor steps toward him in alarm, arms already reaching out to wrap Yuuri in his arms._

_“V-viktor...just leave me alone for now...please”_

_._

_._

_._

Yuuri is awakened by a nudge at his side. Viktor smiling lazily at him as the pilot announced their landing.

To Yuuri everything had been surreal. Everything was downright _unbelievable_. He resigned himself to thinking that the past weeks were just a nightmare, considering he had woken up in bed with his boyfriend with seemingly everything as it was.

Even if Yuuri had just woken up from a nightmare, it had taken time for him to adjust back into a life with Viktor rather than a life without him that he had mentally prepared himself for. It was as if those weeks, and that dream he had were real, but the moment he woke up proved otherwise.

Yuuri, however, felt grateful for it. It had given him another chance. It was as if he had fallen in love all over again, feeling his heart stir every moment he spends with Viktor. But he is also reminded of how distant he and Viktor had become, as if they become strangers living under one roof, unfamiliar and far too cautious with each other to build more onto their relationship.

But ultimately, Yuuri had realised all the more how much Viktor really meant to him, reminding him of his real decision in the first place.

Viktor had accomodated him even more ever since his breakdown in the bathroom that one fine morning. He reached out more often casting him worried glances every so often.

In reality, the moment Yuuri had closed his eyes he had regretted his decision of leaving Viktor and returning to Japan. In his heart, he wished things would’ve went on differently, that he would’ve been _enough_ for Viktor, become what really deserves.

Last week, and even up to now cemented to Yuuri how much Viktor would sacrifice for him, how he would do anything for him at the end of the day.

It _scared_ him.

It scared him to know that Viktor would end up wasting his time and energy on him. It scared him to know just how much he doesn’t deserve Viktor. Each surprise reminding Yuuri of how much of a burden he has become. He deserved none of what Viktor has done for him.

If Viktor deserved anything from Yuuri, it would be freedom.

The freedom to reach his full potential without anyone dragging him down.

Yuuri stared at Viktor’s profile, wondering what he had done to deserve meeting someone as amazing as Viktor.

“Is there something on your mind, Yuuri?” Viktor tilts his head to the side as he held out his hand for Yuuri to take.

“It’s nothing.”

As soon as Viktor and Yuuri arrive in Hasetsu, Viktor drags him to the beach, their luggages in tow as they walked towards the sea. It didn’t matter if it was winter. Watching the sea by the beach would always be a calming treat. A perfect place to unwind after a long flight.

The seagulls cawed in the skies, and the breeze smelled of the ocean, filling Yuuri’s insides with a sense of home.

It’s been a while since they had visited Hasetsu. He couldn’t deny that he missed his family and his hometown dearly.

Viktor leads him to a spot facing the waves, sitting as he gestured Yuuri to take the seat beside him. They sit there like that, hands intertwined with each other’s as they watched and listened to the waves crashing against the sands of the beach.

The past 24 hours has been a whirlwind for Yuuri. If given a chance, Yuuri would want to go through all these events all over again with no hesitation. He felt his heart swell in glee each time he recalls it in his mind.

To be given a chance to return home was beyond what Yuuri imagined receiving on his birthday.

Having Viktor with him was also beyond that.

“Yuuri...do you remember the night when we first met?”

“You-you mean at the GPF right?”

“Yes!” Viktor grins at the memory.

Yuuri could only blush in embarrassment as he remembered. He had drank one too many drinks at the urge of his best friend who had just entered the GPF for the first time. He had only been there to accompany Lilia, not to get drunk off his ass. Sometimes, he still doesn’t know whether to be thankful for Phichit or murder him.

“You didn’t just hug me that night you know?”

“W-what!?”

“You took my hand and led me to a dance.” Viktor chuckles, and Yuuri could see the blush forming on his cheeks.

“Really? What kind of dance?” Yuuri asks unsure whether or not he actually wants to concretely know his antics that night.

“All kinds of dances, Yuuri. And all of them were wonderful especially with you leading me.” Viktor squeezes Yuuri’s hand.

“Wow...”

“Yes, and by the time you were tired. You asked me to watch your debut at the Bolshoi and never take my eyes off you as you dance.”

“Oh my god...” Yuuri couldn’t help but bury his face into his hands. Drunk him was too much. How could Viktor even handle his insanity.

“But you know...even if you were that tipsy. You were beyond radiant, beautiful, amazing....just downright inspiring. ” The red hue on Yuuri’s cheeks deepened at every adjective Viktor used. Viktor never fails to compliment him in the best way he can.

Viktor turns to look at Yuuri straight in the eye.

“It was when you danced with me that I realized what I was missing.”

Yuuri’s breath caught in his throat. The way Viktor looked at him was too much. The way he looked at as if he was the one who had breathed life into him, and made him into the brilliant man that he was. Yuuri felt _weak_ , his chest tightened immeasurably at Viktor admission, eyes starting to tear up at the realization.

‘I inspired Viktor.’ Yuuri couldn’t believe it even with hearing the words drip with sincerity as they poured out from Viktor’s mouth.

It’s been a long time since they’ve talked like this. 

Yuuri realized that Viktor had poured his everything to him, too much of Viktor which he didn’t really deserve. He was just pulling him down, when he could’ve been practicing he idly watched Yuuri dance. When he could’ve had more sponsors, he spent more of his time with Yuuri instead of attending any sponsorship events. And if Yuuri were to be honest, he definitely noticed how sullen Viktor would act at times, how tired he would be when they arrived home.

He wants to make things easier for Viktor...in the best way he could.

 

 

 

.

.

.

_“I’m sorry for your loss, Vitya...” Lilia’s once stern tone was shaking, her words laced with a sorrow Viktor had never imagined to hear from Lilia herself. Viktor could see something broken within Lilia’s eyes._

_They stood outside Yuuri’s room, the doctor had just left them with a hand on their shoulders, and a string of apologies._

_It was at that moment where Viktor realized that his world had just crumbled beneath his feet yet his mind is still reeling from the events which had just happened. One thing is for sure: the night has shaped up to be the worst night Viktor had experienced in his entire life._

_“W-what....This...This is all a dream, right? Yuuri was about to go home to his family. His family I shou—“_

_Yuuri. **His Yuuri.** _

_This was real._

_All of it was real._

_Viktor knew the moment the news showed the footage of the scene. He knew the moment he spotted that familliar scarf and hat. Viktor knew the moment he rushed to the hospital without a coat to shield him from the winter cold. He knew the moments he laid eyes on Yuuri’s sleeping face._

_He’s gone._

_“I have already contacted his family. They’ve invited us to Hasetsu for his wake.” This wasn’t how Viktor envisioned how his return to Hasetsu would be, a looming darkness hovering over the whole event._

_“Lilia...” Viktor felt his tears relentlessly stream down his face, his voice croaking as he willed himself to speak._

_“Viktor, please allow yourself to grieve. My and Yakov’s door are open for you. Please keep that in mind.”_

_At that moment, Viktor was thankful for Lilia’s embrace but he couldn’t help but think that what he needed was someone else’s arms wrapped around him._

_._

_._

_._

The last time Viktor went to Hasetsu was 4 years ago, almost as long as when he had lost Yuuri. The moment he had stepped back into the onsen all those years ago, he had collapsed right in front of the door, Katsuki Hiroko kneeling down to embrace him as they sobbed. Katsuki Toshiya and Mari had huddled close to him, the Katsuki patriarch’s hand clutching his shoulder in sympathy.

After that event, Viktor wasn’t able to bring himself to visit again. Not even with the Katsukis urging him to visit as often as he wanted to. Not even when they say that Yuuri would have wanted the same.

Now, he stands before the same place he let himself collapse, one hand resting on the handle of his luggage, the other cradling his beloved’s hand with the sky colored in warm hues.

Yuuri’s hand had never felt so warm in his entire life. It felt like an anchor against the swirling emotions in Viktor’s chest.

The doors slide open, a warm bubbly smile exudes from Hiroko’s face as she takes in the sight of her precious boys.

“Yuuri, Vicchan! _Okaeri_.”Hiroko greets them, eyes shining as she gestured for them to come in.

“ _Tadaima, Okaa-san_.” Yuuri’s voice greeted back, calm and sweet.

Hiroko’s gaze shifted to Viktor, her smile brightening as she sent him a wink.

Viktor, of course, smiles right back, greeting her with as much enthusiasm as she had as he and Yuuri followed her inside. Nothing much had changed over the past 2 years. That same homey ambiance, the scent of delicious home cooked food, and that slight scent of steamy fresh water permeating in the air.

Breathing in the familiar scent of the onsen, Viktor felt a wave of warmth flood throughout his body.

It’s been a while since Viktor had ever been so excited to be back in Hasetsu.


	3. Finale

**_Day 10, 12/1/2016_ **

The night of their arrival was filled with a tender mood spreading through them even to the tips of their fingers.

Viktor and Yuuri had been understandably tired from their flight, jet lag threatening to pull them immediately to sleep. Yuuri had slept immediately as soon as his head hit the pillow. Unfortunately for Viktor, he could hardly sleep a wink last night.

Viktor laid beside Yuuri in an old unused banquet room, hands held tight beneath the covers. Despite the comfort of their position, Viktor was left staring up at the ceiling until the first few rays of  morning poured in from the windows of the room. Thoughts filling his head as he went over numerous hypothetical situations, dialogues switching from cheery to just plain awry when his mind should be resting, sleeping the flight fatigue off with Yuuri. Nevertheless, Viktor’s mind continued its course repeatedly.

However, Viktor’s temporary insomnia was not something unexpected at all.

This might be a vacation for both of them but behind the concept of vacation is Viktor’s _other_ agenda for returning to Hasetsu with Yuuri.

The top of his to-do list (minus Yuuri) if you will.

“Katsuki- san, I would like to ask for your permission to marry your son.”

His words were met with a soft gasp and stunned silence.

Viktor’s hands were clammy, none of his pre-skate jitters could rival his nerves right at this very moment. While Yuuri’s family had always treated him kindly, gestures tinged with a famillial sense of affection, and welcomed him into their home with open arms, Viktor still didn’t want to get too ahead of himself.

Not that he didn’t trust the Katsuki’s per se but there’s that nagging notion that deep down maybe, _just maybe,_ they held some sort of resentment towards him.

Or it could just be proposal nerves.

They were gathered in the family dining room, Viktor sitting on one side of the table opposite Yuuri’s family. Their gaze fixed on him as he spoke, faces serious as they listened to Viktor.

“Yuuri...he’s the best thing to ever happen in anyone’s life. He has done so much for me and he hardly even realizes it.” Viktor lets out a chuckle at the thought, his Yuuri always had a habit of belittling himself and how much he has done.

“You got that right.” Mari smirked, mirth painted on her features as she commented on Viktor’s speech. Viktor couldn’t stop the smile that broke through his serious facade.

“I know I may not be able to repay for all that he has done for me but I hope to—promise to make him happy and be there for him always.”

Viktor takes a deep breath as he bows his head in front of Yuuri’s family.

 “That’s why I humbly ask for your blessing. I want to be there for Yuuri. I want to be with him as his husband. I---Please, give me this chance to make Yuuri happy, please.”

His heart beat wildly against his chest as he waited for their reply.

Then he heard Hiroko’s soft laugh.

“Oh, Vicchan, even if you hadn’t asked we would still very much approve of you.” Her smile showing the happiness she felt.  “The moment Yuuri brought you home to meet us, you were already a Katsuki.”

“Yuuri’s posters are beyond proof of that.” Mari interjected, words lighthearted and teasing.

“You already had our approval a long time ago, Viktor-san.” Toshiya spoke lightly, eyes scrunching up as he smiled.  “You’ve brought our family much luck.”

Viktor could feel tears gather in his eyes, threatening to fall down his cheeks in unspoken happiness. He placed his hand over his heart as he listened to the Katsuki’s chatter.

“Vicchan you make Yuuri happy, and that’s all we ask of you. You’ll always be welcome here.”

Yuuri’s happiness is and will always be Viktor’s top priority.

In truth, Viktor had hoped that by making sure Yuuri was genuinely happy with him then maybe he can prevent Yuuri from leaving, from getting into that forsaken accident. He hopes that by proposing to him, an act that will _surely_ tell Yuuri how much Viktor truly loves and cares about him, how much Viktor wanted _him_ and not anyone else, that Yuuri’s impending accident would be averted with him and Viktor staying at home or even someone else, just basking in each other’s presence.

It seemed to Viktor that Yuuri was a lot happier these days than before.

For the past days, things turned out to be better than what had been, and Viktor has never been so thankful.

Viktor sincerely hopes it stays that way for a long time.

.

.

.

_“Viktor, please, you don’t really have to wear a suit when we get there.”_

_Yuuri’s face failed to hide the embarrassment he felt from seeing his boyfriend emerge from their shared bedroom in a three piece suit. Although admittedly, that embarrassment was tinged with a hint of immense attraction. He couldn’t help it of his boyfriend looked so ravishing in Armani._

_“But Yuuuuri, first impressions always count right? After all, I am meeting people of utmost importance.” Viktor explained as he adjusted his cufflinks._

_Yuuri let out a chuckle at that but in his heart, he felt so lucky to have met someone who values his family even after Skyping them only for a few times, briefly greeting them in each one._

_“They would like you anyway, Viktor. Even if you wear a potato sack, they would still like you.” Yuuri murmured against Viktor’s shoulder as he embraced him from behind._

_“Really?”_

_Yuuri smiled against Viktor’s shoulder, eyes twinkling as he spoke._

_“I’ve never been sure of something my entire life.”_

.

.

.

Yuuri had always taken some time to think before coming to a decision.  While he had his moments of impulse, Yuuri’s style when it comes to dealing with dilemmas was to stew over the problem for relatively long period before acting on it.

Needless to say, Yuuri had already been thinking over the state of his relationship to Viktor for a few months. Even before his nightmare.

But he knew, there was some sort of ‘rift’ between them, the size of which Yuuri can’t seem to put into words. Nevertheless, his gut ceaselessly tells him that something is _wrong._ Yuuri is quite aware of the source of all these _wrong_ notions. One thing is for sure, he has to contemplate about it further and think over it somewhere _far_ from Viktor. Somewhere where his thoughts won’t be distracted by how much he enjoys the other’s presence.

And so Yuuri jogs towards the only place in Hasetsu where he can get a semblance of peace of mind,  keen on making up his mind about _everything._

With his sportsbag slung over his shoulder, he jogs in the winter cold towards Hasetsu’s beloved Ice Palace.

 

* * *

 

 

“Yuuri, I will forever be sad you didn’t pursue figure skating.”

A familiar teasing voice broke Yuuri out of his trance. He had been skating laps around the rink for the past hour, trying to will his thoughts into something that can be better understood and losing himself in a blank daze. His old dance studio had long closed down, the Ice Palace was his only refuge left after all these years.

“Y-Yuuko-san?” Yuuri skids to an abrupt stop, circling himself as his eyes searched for the source of the voice. 

“Welcome back, Yuuri-kun!” Yuuko greets with a radiant smile, clearly excited to see her childhood friend back in Hasetsu.

“Nice to see you again, Yuuko-san.”

“Haha, just ‘Yuu-chan’ is fine. It’s only been a year anyway.” Yuuko hardly changed over the year, she was as vibrant as Yuuri last saw her. Even whilst taking care of her triplet daughters, she still manages to look as lively as ever, a sparkle ever present in her eyes.

“As soon as I heard that you were back, I just had to come visit you myself but then I should’ve known you’d end up here one way or another.” With a wink, she gets on the ice, skating towards Yuuri gracefully.

Yuuko always had that affinity towards the ice. Every movement on the ice accenting her innate energy and elegance, despite how Takeshi teased her when they were little. Yuuri is sure that Takeshi’s teasing was all in good humor especially with how dedicated he was in watching Yuuko’s routines in Juniors.

As much as she pulled everyone to her when she skates, she never failed to pull Yuuri onto the ice with her. In fact, she was the one who urged Yuuri to learn to skate in the first place, asking him if he also wanted to dance on the ice the way he danced in ballet.  After just a few hours, Yuuri had fallen into the world of skating in one fell swoop.

Eventually Yuuri continued develop an equal love for both forms of art, still managing to skate in his free time if he is not dancing. With Yuuri, he felt the most free when he is in movement, allowing his body to move on its own in memory and his emotions to course through every movement. And having two mediums for Yuuri to indulge in has made Yuuri’s life all the more interesting.

It goes without saying that Yuuri will be forever thankful for Yuuko’s existence.

If Yuuko hadn’t pulled open the door to him, Yuuri was sure he would have become a different person altogether.

Actually.

If Yuuri hadn’t met Yuuko, then maybe Yuuri would have never had the chance to meet Viktor.

If Yuuri hadn’t fallen in love with the ice, maybe he and Viktor wouldn’t have ended up together.

‘ _Viktor’._ Yuuri’s thoughts always managed to trace back to him no matter what he does.

He’s the reason why he’s in the rink anyway.

As soon as Viktor entered his thoughts, Yuuri could feel his body seemed to become frigid, the way the rink seemed colder than it was and the way his mind seemed to cease all forms of function.

He shouldn’t think about him, not now, not even later.

Not when he felt awful about everything that had already happened.

“Yuuri, want to skate one of _those_ old programs we did when we were younger?” Yuuko skated backwards as she faced Yuuri. Currently, they were just skating lazy laps around the rink in companionable silence. Yuuri could tell just from the way she skated that her body was thrumming with energy. What better way to use it all up than skating one of Viktor’s old routines?

Sure, Yuuri could only jump up to doubles but the choreography of Viktor’s past skates? He knew it by _heart_. He has even interpreted it in a dance.

But skating it now, when he clearly should be hoarding his thoughts away from Viktor, sends a sort of shock throughout his system. It never ceases to amaze Yuuri how much Viktor had integrated himself into _everything_ , filling every nook and cranny with himself in Yuuri’s life.

It comforts Yuuri and _scares_ him all at the same time.

‘Viktor, Viktor, Viktor...’

 “Come on, Yuuri. It’ll be fun. Just like old times right? It is practically tradition that we skate to Vikto—“

“No!” Yuuri says without thinking, voice echoing throughout the near empty rink.

Now, he really needs to step away from it all.

Yuuko was surprised by Yuuri’s outburst, her charming face morphing into shock.

 “I mean- I...” Yuuri struggles to explain, trying to grasp the words that have yet to make themselves known to him. In defeat, he heaves a sigh, looking apologetically at his childhood friend. “...Yuu-chan, I think I need your help.”

“Oh, Yuuri.” Yuuko smiled sadly at Yuuri. It was telling from Yuuri’s change of demeanor that he needed to get something out. It was evident in the way his eyes seemed to swirl in confusion and distress. She skates toward him and wraps him in a comforting hug, hoping to relieve some of Yuuri’s tension. Before Yuuri could return the hug, Yuuko pulls back and holds his hands in hers, the exact same way she did when she was teaching him how to skate.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got your back.” Yuuko smiled in assurance, flashing him a wink.

“Thanks.” Yuuri felt a bit of relief knowing that Yuuko willingly wants to be of help to him this time around. Even if Yuuri had left for years before, Yuuko never seems to be nothing but a welcoming and somewhat familial presence whenever he _does_ return.

“Let’s talk over at the benches first, then maybe if you’re up for it, we’ll skate later.” Yuuko led the way, all the while holding onto Yuuri’s hand as if they were kids all over again.

As soon as the two put their skate guards on and take their seats, Yuuko breaks the silence.

“So...care to tell me what’s up?” Yuuko had her hands folded on her lap. Meanwhile, Yuuri kept twiddling his fingers in nervousness. “You can tell me anything, Yuuri. What are friends for?”

“Yuu-chan, I know this is out of the blue and all but then...I honestly think you’re the best to ask for advice for this.” Yuuri hadn’t really thought about going to Yuuko for his dilemma but having her around as someone who’ll listen made Yuuri feel less trapped and alone.

“What is it, Yuuri?” Yuuko looked at him in worry. However, it is safe to say Yuuko already had an idea as to what it is all about. She gently bit her lip in thought, hesitating whether or not to directly ask the question. “Does it have anything to do about Viktor?”

Yuuri could feel himself stiffen from her question. He’s doing this. He’s not going avoid it especially if he has the chance to figure things out.

“Yes.”

“I see. What’s the matter? I’m sure I can help even if only a little.” Yuuko spoke, her light voice encouraging Yuuri to speak out. “After all, you know me and Takeshi...we weren’t always on the same page.”

“Viktor and I have our moments too when we really misunderstood each other.” Yuuri spoke sullenly, his voice wavering as he thought back to the years he spent with Viktor. In all honesty, communication _is_ part of the problem but not the source itself. Still, his mind was hesitant to wrap itself around it. “B-but things are going well...I think.”

“Oh, Yuuri...if it’s not a communication issue. Then what is it?” Yuuko asks, brows raising in curiosity. “I just don’t think I deserve any of this.” It was the most concise way for Yuuri to say it. Yuuko prompted him to continue with small nod.

“I mean, Viktor, he’s done so much for me. He’s brought me to places I could only dream of going to. Took off time for practice, just to spend time with me. I’ve hardly done enough for him as it is. Yuuko, everything feels like a _dream_ and I don’t think—“

“You deserve Viktor?” Yuuko completed for him.

“I feel like I’m preventing from experiencing something better.” Yuuri nodded, eyes betraying his distress.

“Yuuri...” Yuuko’s eyes looked on him with worry and understanding. Silence enveloped them, both of them deep in thought.

“Hmmm...Takeshi and I, we’re a lot like opposites, yes?” Yuuko started, a soft smile gracing her features.

Yuuri recalls his childhood crush on Yuuko. He enjoyed almost everything she did, and that made her all the more attractive along with how she was supportive of him, no matter what. He and Takeshi had fallen for her at the same time when they saw her skate her first program all those years ago. Of course, Yuuri wasn’t aware of the fact that Takeshi also held the same affection for Yuuko, if not more. Until one day, Takeshi had come to him, looking for someone to confide in, heart torn between confessing his crush or maintaining their easy friendship.

Ultimately, Yuuri pushed Takeshi to confess, the same way Yuuko and Takeshi urged him to chase after his dreams long ago, from the bottom of their hearts.

You see, even if Yuuri liked Yuuko, he knew that he was no match for her, and he was never able to drum up the courage to confess even then.

Whenever Yuuko was sad, Takeshi would always be right there to be her pillar. Even when she failed some jumps, he was right there with a hand on her shoulder. Yuuri would be there too but he felt that Takeshi had helped Yuuko more than he could. He was jealous at first but as time went by, he realized just how much they complimented each other. Takeshi’s somewhat rough demeanor blended well with Yuuko’s softness. They always seemed so attuned to each other, no matter the circumstance.

Yuuri couldn’t be any more happy for them.

Yuuri is thankful though for how things turned out. Their friendship had grown stronger than ever throughout the years.

Maybe if it wasn’t for them, Yuuri would have never been able to meet Viktor and reach his dream of performing under one of the most prestigious ballet companies in the world.

“My classmates would always tell me how I deserved better. That ‘he’s way below my league’.” Yuuko let out a chuckle at the memory. “They always said I deserve someone who really sweeps me off my feet. A prince charming of some sort.”

“You always told them off. Even Takeshi was scared of you.” Yuuri allowed a smile to place itself on his lips. Yuuko may look docile and bubbly but she is force to be reckoned with.

“Yeah. I mean who wouldn’t? I’m pretty sure you felt the same way too. After all, they kept saying that a graceful figure skater like me deserves an equally graceful skater.” Yuuko recalled, a sad tone tinging her voice. “And that Takeshi wasn’t one.”

“They were wrong though.”

“Yeah, they were. They just don’t know how amazing he is on the ice and off it. That despite having the build of a hockey star, he chose to skate the way he wanted to. Sure, he didn’t fit the bill of ‘graceful figure skater’ but he proved he was _great_ in other ways. He was someone who didn’t need to fit into something. And I found that amazing.” Yuuko’s smile transformed into an excited grin. Her words dripped with honesty that if Takeshi were hearing this, he would’ve swooned on the spot.

Yuuri smiled and nodded at his friend in agreement.

It was nice to think that both of them had such amazing people in their lives.

“I’m sure Viktor would be the same for you.” Yuuko went on, her tone shifting to something lighter as she started to ramble on with her thoughts.“He’s our childhood hero. He’s a genius, artistic and creative. Somewhat like—what’s the term? Ah, a renaissance man. Not to mention he has a good personality and is very kind to almost everyone as well. I guess it’s to be expected since he’s Viktor Nikiforov, after all.”

“But to me,” Yuuko smirked at Yuuri mimicking her earlier words. “He’s just _Viktor_. And I love that about him. That’s all. He doesn’t really need to do so much for me. I feel like he’s just wasting all his time and effort on me with everything he’s done or been doing at least.” Yuuri gradually slumped over himself, his brows knotting together as he spoke.

‘Does Viktor Nikiforov deserve a Katsuki Yuuri?’ Yuuri thought. His hand clenching the fabric of his pants.

 “Hmm, I guess, that’s just how Viktor shows his _love_.” Yuuko’s eyes twinkled in glee at her own statement. “Everyone has their own way, after all. It just so happens that Viktor’s way of doing things had always been ‘out there’. But that’s why we like him anyway and what makes him special in the first place.”

“Yeah...” Yuuri agrees but that doesn’t exactly make him feel better about not being to do anything of _equal_ value back.

 “Yuuri, I’m sure if you tell Viktor how you feel about it, he’d understand.” Yuuko placed a hand over Yuuri’s shoulder as soon as she noticed Yuuri’s distress. “But I guess, your problem is you don’t know how to return Viktor’s _love_ right?”

Yuuko can read him like a book but she is kind enough to let Yuuri slowly open up about it instead forcing it out of him.

“Yuuri, I think all you need to think of is what makes Viktor happy.” Yuuko’s grin was accompanied by matching wink.

‘What makes Viktor happy?’ Yuuri stared at his hands in thought.

All Yuuri wants for Viktor is for him to be _happy and feel free_.

He wants to see the Viktor he had fallen in love with come alive again from the Viktor of today’s tired, miserable bones. He wanted to see him smile like he used to. Perform wholeheartedly in front of the world. He wanted to see Viktor before life slowly ebbed the life out of him.

That’s the Viktor who Yuuri thinks is _truly happy._

But has Viktor been truly happy with Yuuri around?

Has Yuuri been tying him down instead of letting him free?

_What has Yuuri done for Viktor anyway?_

Memories from the past year of their relationship proved otherwise. If Viktor ended up stressed, forgetful, and even angry, wouldn’t that just prove that Viktor wasn’t happy?

“I think I know now, Yuuko.” Yuuri spoke evenly despite his words threatening to stay stuck in his throat. “Thank you.”

“I know I may not have helped you much, Yuuri.” Yuuko hugs him one last time before sending him off. “But I’m still proud of you.”

Yuuri hugs her back, his eyes turning glassy as he thought back to their conversation.

“Yuuko, I know what to do now. Thank you.” Yuuri’s voice was soft, but the way he spoke was wistful.

‘This is going to hurt, but I have to. _For Viktor_.’

“It was nothing, Yuuri. It was all you at the end of the day.” Yuuko pulls back, before patting Yuuri on the back. “I know that you will always do what is best for both you and Viktor. After all, both of you couldn’t be any more perfect for each other.”

Yuuri returns home to a warm dinner served with katsudon, a bottle of alcohol and a heart set on doing right by him and Viktor.

 

****

****

**_Day 11, 12/2/2016_ **

It was the morning of their flight back to St. Petersburg. The cool crisp winter air blew across their walking figures, bringing with it the cool scent of the sea.

Yuuri and Viktor had decided that they would visit one of Hasetsu’s temples before travelling to Fukuoka for their flight, leaving their luggage ready for pick-up at the onsen.

Despite this trip to Hasetsu being a ‘vacation’ for them, it seemed as though they had hardly spent any time together at all. Sure, they had spent nights cuddling under the covers and had gone sightseeing again but it felt so short, especially with how awfully distant Yuuri had been ever since his return from the rink.

Viktor couldn’t put it past his mind when he saw a look of sadness flash in Yuuri’s eyes when he welcomed him home.

Letting out a sigh, Viktor turns his gaze to Yuuri, comfortably bundled up his favorite peacoat, hands hidden inside its pockets. Yuuri looked adorable, Viktor had to hold himself back from wrapping his lover in a hug.

However, even if Viktor had wanted to do just that, he felt as if there was a wall between them, preventing him from getting closer than he already is.

Viktor wanted to climb over that wall and just scoop Yuuri up into his arms. However, he felt that going over it would just cause Yuuri to distance himself even more. He resigns himself to burying his hands in his coat, hands forming into fists as if seeking another type of warmth.

After receiving the _emas_ , Viktor and Yuuri separated for a while as they wrote their wishes and prayers. Yuuri’s apparent aversion to conversing with him has been irking him. In fact, the only time he heard Yuuri speak more than 2 words was with his mother, his japanese flowing smoothly from his mouth.

‘Did something happen to Yuuri before he came home?’ Viktor’s thoughts remained on his lover even as he scribbled his wish in cyrillic. His wish focused mainly on Yuuri, for his success, luck and safety. Flashes of their last night together before the accident kept appearing in his mind.

Viktor closes his eyes in frustration, trying to will his thoughts away from what may happen in the future.

‘Whether or not something did doesn’t matter, I’ll be there for him no matter what.’ Viktor’s determination broke through his spiralling thoughts. He shook his head in an attempt to rid of them once and for all.

He has already decided. He’ll do what it takes to save Yuuri and make him happy...even if he had to challenge fate itself.

Before going over to Yuuri, Viktor wrote one last thing on the wooden plaque.

‘Give me strength to protect my love and life.’

 

* * *

 

 

Viktor finds Yuuri staring at the rows of _ema_ displayed at the temple. His eyes sparkling as he read through some of the wishes made by other temple visitors.

With a light tap on Yuuri’s shoulder, Viktor comes face to face with his lover, almost melting at the way Yuuri gazed at him with his lovely eyes.

Yuuri’s gaze was filled with more than just love, it was as if he was committing Viktor to memory. Viktor felt his heart skip just from it.

“Yuuri, shall we go?” Viktor, though reluctantly, break Yuuri out of his trance. Viktor wonders if Yuuri had been staring at him like that even before they arrived in Hasetsu when he wasn’t looking.

“Yes.” Yuuri’s reply was curt but the pink flush across his cheeks made him look so endearing.

Before heading back on their way to the onsen, Viktor looked back and caught a glimpse of Yuuri’s hand written wish.

‘I wish Viktor would always smile sincerely.’

He immediately crept up beside Yuuri and took hold of his hand.

****

****

****

**_Day 12, 12/3/2016_ **

Viktor woke up to the sound of his alarm blaring on the bedside table, his hand blindly feeling over the table for his phone to shut it off and avoid risking his Yuuri to wake lest he wanted to make this day any less than perfect.

This was an important day after all. It was the day which will serve as the cornerstone in preventing any unwanted casualties, the sturdy rock which will prevent everything from falling apart all over again.

The day set to inevitably change his and Yuuri’s life.

Viktor had planned this day down to every detail (even tipping the staff a hefty amount), and despite the fatigue weighing down his bones he wouldn’t dare allow the jet lag prevent him from making sure all his past preparations were set.

Creeping slowly out of the bed so as to not wake Yuuri proved to be a bit of challenge considering Yuuri’s arms were wrapped around his torso as he slept, effectively spooning him from behind. Viktor lets out a soft smile at Yuuri’s sleepy antics, bringing one of the hands resting on his chest to his lips, pressing a kiss before shifting carefully out of his embrace.

He walks out of the room, and proceeds to make several _important_ calls.

.

.

.

_“But Viktor we’re not- I’m not-“ Yuuri had pulled Viktor to the side after Viktor had introduced him to Christophe Giaccometti as his lover._

_But then, were they really lovers? He and Viktor may spend a lot of time together ever since they met, been intimate with each other with kisses on the cheek and hugs from the side and talked whenever they were free but was Viktor actually serious about taking it to the next level with him?_

_The fact that he and Viktor had never said anything about it before fails to resolve all of Yuuri’s questions._

_“Yuuri...” Viktor chuckled at his sputtering. It was just like Viktor to take anything in stride even if they were at most confusing._

_“Viktor, what am I? What are we?” Yuuri asked, slightly hesitant to hear Viktor’s answer. However, Yuuri needed to know. He needed to hear it clearly  from Viktor’s own mouth._

_“Hmm, I’m Viktor and you’re Yuuri, my beautiful boyfriend.” Viktor smiled, placing a finger on his lips as he winked. His eyes shimmered under the lights, brightening the hue of his blue irises._

_Yuuri felt his whole body shortcircuit at Viktor’s declaration._

_‘Viktor Nikiforov’s boyfriend?_

_While Yuuri was in shock, Viktor merely took Yuuri’s hands into his, squeezing them softly to catch his attention._

_“That is...if you want me to be my boyfriend too?” Viktor looked straight at him, expression cautious but honest. A pink hue tinged his cheeks as he waited for Yuuri’s answer. Viktor really liked him._

_Yuuri felt his heart swell, almost bursting out of his chest from sheer happiness._

_It was euphoric._

_“Yes.”_

.

.

.

Yuuri would always relish the way he and Viktor fit seamlessly with each other whilst lying down on the soft covers of their bed. He enjoyed the way each of them fit perfectly over the other’s back whenever they spoon, warmth seeping through the thin fabric of their shirts. He liked the way their breathing seemed to fall in sync as they laid against each other, savouring the softness of each other’s skin in bliss.

Viktor seemed to flawlessly fit with Yuuri in every way, more than Yuuri himself could ever imagine.

Yuuri wakes up in the late afternoon, a cold draft dancing behind his back, coldness seeping right through his sleepshirt. He turns over to the side, body unconsciously searching for warmth as he squirmed into the covers.

It was still cold.

“Viktor?” Yuuri’s voice was hoarse, laden with sleep, his hands felt over the other side of the bed, palming over the covers in search of his boyfriend.

Reluctantly, Yuuri sits up, rubbing his eyes as he reached for his glasses on the nightstand. He puts them on, eyes blinking as he tried to wither away the last remnants of sleep.

“Viktor?” Yuuri calls out once again. Usually after a long flight, the two would sleep in, willing away the fatigue and jet lag. However, his boyfriend was nowhere to be seen.

Yuuri pulls over his sweater over his head, feeling the coldness oozing from the fabric. Russian winter remain to be as cold as ever for Yuuri, a stark contrast from the weather in Hasetsu considering it has only been a day since they had left.

Hoping to freshen up a bit, Yuuri walks up to the bathroom door only to find it shut, a faint rustling sounding from the other side of the door.

“Viktor?” Yuuri knocks a few times on the door.

“Wait a sec, zolotse. I’ll be right out.” Viktor sounded excited, his tone happy instead of incredibly groggy. That is to be expected though, Viktor’s competitions always required him to travel often. Yuuri, on the other hand, has been in Russia for years, only getting on flights to and from Fukuoka when he had enough money for a ticket.

Yuuri was lowkey envious of how easy it was for Viktor to adjust to timezones. At times, it was as if he hadn’t even left. Yuuri would always be deadtired after each flight even if he had slept during the flight itself.

After a few moments, Viktor opens the door, and Yuuri is greeted by the sight of his boyfriend clad in a three piece suit, the all-black ensemble bringing out the paleness of Viktor’s skin, the shine of his neatly styled hair and the gleam of his electric blue eyes.

Yuuri gaped at his lover, breath caught in his chest as he committed into memory the vision of his love before him.

“Wow, you’re gorgeous.” Without meaning to, the words spilled out of Yuuri’s lips, his voice sounded breathy at most and was coupled with a pretty flush plastered over his cheeks. His mind remained dazed at Viktor’s sheer elegance and class. Only Viktor would be able to surprise Yuuri on the regular without dulling the experience each time.

“Thanks, _zolotse_.” The way Viktor smiled made Yuuri’s heart clench in his chest. What ever did he do to deserve to this man?

‘Nothing, that’s for sure.’ The nagging voice at the back of Yuuri’s mind never ceased to remind him.

“Now, would you please get ready, solnyshko? I have your suit hung over by the closet. Let me just get it--” Viktor moved in haste and within a few strides he was already in front of their walk-in closet, fishing out a brand new navy blue three piece suit.

“W-wait, Viktor. What’s all this for by the way? I know you said we were going to head out to eat instead...” Yuuri was hoping he would be able to have a long needed conversation with him after dinner. What would they need to wear formal attire for? “But what is the suit for? Will we be going somewhere else after?”

“I booked us a table at a certain bistro.” Viktor winked, smile forming a heart. “Just consider it as one last gift for our birthday.”

“Viktor, you didn’t have to...” Yuuri felt the burden on his shoulders weigh him down even more. Viktor has gone above and beyond for Yuuri. Yuuri’s thankfulness was evened out by the utter guilt he had for allowing Viktor to waste his time and effort on him.

Everything that Viktor did for him was supposed to feel nice, and while it did, why did it make him feel so... _useless._

Yuuri moved in with Viktor, he didn’t even pay a cent since Viktor had already paid for his flat a long time ago.

When Yuuri panics, Viktor took off some his time just to make sure he was okay.

Sometimes, Yuuri even thinks that it may have to do with Viktor that he was able to star in the Bolshoi’s production in the first place.

Viktor even brought him back to Hasetsu just to make _him_ of all people happy.

What did Yuuri even do for Viktor?

Walk his dog? Keep him company? Other insignificant things?

All of which were duller in comparison to Viktor himself.

“Oh, but my Yuuri, I wanted to.” Viktor had an easy smile as he brought Yuuri into his arms. “I just wanted to make everything special for you.”

Yuuri felt tears prick his eyes as he listened to Viktor’s voice. Surely, Viktor can find someone better with his status. The question will always be why would Viktor ever settle for someone as _common_ as him. Someone far from extraordinary. Someone who didn’t even deserve him in the first place.

Yuuri put on his suit for the night, the near midnight blue of the suit made him look ethereal, an entity which demands utmost attention. Yuuri could hardly recognize himself as he looked at his reflection in the mirror.

“Beautiful.” Yuuri savored the word, reminding himself that it would likely be the last time he would hear those words directed at him.

In that moment, Yuuri imagined what it would be like if that were true. He imagined if he always looked amazing everyday, if he had always been amazing, would he be able to stay with Viktor rightfully. To Yuuri, it felt like a sweet dream, imagining being worthy of Viktor.

For a second, he imagines keeping Viktor despite himself.

Maybe he can allow himself to be selfish, let loose his desire to have Viktor to himself, be with him despite everything he lacks.

 ‘I can’t.’ Yuuri almost scoffs at the idea of it.

He could never let Viktor suffer with his presence.

Yuuri holds out his hand to Viktor as they stepped out into the December cold to which Viktor takes into his with a firm grip. Yuuri locks his gaze with lover’s, memorizing the numerous hues mingling in the other’s eyes, the way they seemed to glow under the dim lights. He lets out a heatfelt grin before tugging Viktor out of their apartment leaving Makkachin snoozing on the dog bed in the living room.

“Please, surprise me.” Yuuri winked, showing as much enthusiasm as he can. ‘Let me be selfish, just this one night.’

At least after one beautiful night together, Yuuri would be able to talk to Viktor, and finish this whole mess between them.

Then Viktor would be free.

 

* * *

 

The night started out as magical, and the atmosphere hasn’t detered for one bit. Even as he and Viktor walked  to the bistro hand in hand, Viktor had a skip in his step to the point that Yuuri couldn’t help but skip along, albeit subtly. Even as they sat down and just talked as they waited for their dinner to be served, swirling the wine in their glass as they laughed together at the smallest of things.

Times like this remind Yuuri how he had slowly allowed himself to fall in love in the first place.

Yuuri engraves into himself everything about Viktor that night. The way his eyes sparkled when he smiles or laughs. That naughtty glint in his eye when he smirks. The way that at the right lighting, his eyes would gleam like the color of the sea on a hot summer day. The way his mouth forms a chubby heart when he is especially happy.

It’s been a long time since Yuuri has seen him so full of _life_.

His heart couldn’t help but melt at that fact.

Now, they were nearing the end of their full course dinner. Viktor had called over several instrumentalists, respective instruments on hand as they assembled themselves beside their table.

Viktor cued them to play with a wink effectively causing a blush to appear on the violinist’s cheeks.

As soon as the first few notes sounded, Yuuri felt chills run down his spine, goosebumps appearing on his skin as he felt the rush of music in his body. A piano sounded from somewhere within the bistro. A few moments later, the violin joins in, it’s low sound mingling perfectly with the piano’s soft notes.

“Viktor, this song is...” It was the song Viktor skated to in his exhibition skate, the very first one he choreographed for Yuuri.

Viktor smiled at Yuuri, his lips quirking up in sincerity. His hand reaches over to hold Yuuri’s hand, fingers tracing over Yuuri’s knuckles as they listened to the music in comfortable silence.

The song was nearing its climax. As soon as the violin and piano started harmonizing with each other, Viktor stood up, walking over to Yuuri’s side, slowly striding over to Yuuri.

The last note sounds, and Viktor drops on one knee, other hand fishing something inside his coat pocket and bringing it out, a beautiful ring encased in velvet blue.

“Viktor.” Yuuri couldn’t think. He couldn’t say anything but call out Viktor’s name in shock.

Everything was in slow motion. Yuuri’s mind struggled to keep up with Viktor’s every movement. The cheers of the crowd fell mute in Yuuri’s ears, the beating of his heart much too loud for him to hear anything else.

Viktor looks up to him, eyes hopeful, the blue hues trying to pull him in.

His lips remained glued shut. His eyes started to tear up as he took in the image of Viktor on one knee in front of him.

Viktor takes one deep breath before he speaks.

“Katsuki Yuuri, you entered my life in the most unexpected way.”

‘This can’t be happening.’

“The night we met was the moment I realized what I was missing in life.”

‘This shouldn’t be happening.’

“It was with you where I finally found my _life and love_. And only you.”

‘This isn’t real.’

“The more I got to know you, the more I realized how much I’ve fallen for you. Each day I wake up feeling loved and even more alive than I ever been.”

‘It’s not supposed to be.’

“I want to make you happy, Yuuri. I want to give you the _life and love_ you also deserve.”

‘Please, stop. No, no.'

“Now, I just want to ask one thing.”

‘No, no, no, no.’

 “Yuuri, will you be my husband?”

Viktor’s words rang clear.

Time stopped moving at that very moment.

All of a sudden, Yuuri finds himself frozen, blood running cold. A sharp chill running through his body, mimicking a heavy splash of ice cold water. He willed himself to speak but the words were caught in his throat, choking him from the sheer shock of Viktor’s words.

Everyone in the restaurant had their eyes on them, watching the scene expectantly. Yuuri felt the pressure of the audience around them. It was just like Viktor to situate their table smack at the middle of bistro.

Yuuri’s heart sped, his chest constricting the way air flowed in and out of his lungs.

“N-no...” Yuuri struggled to get the word out, feeling himself flinch from the pain of just saying it.

“...No?” Viktor’s romantic expression turned to shock, his eyes wide and his voice speechless.

Those blue eyes had never looked so beautiful but agonizingly sad at the same time.

Yuuri wanted to stop looking into them.

“No..I...”

Yuuri couldn’t speak. Everything was closing in on him, the way the restaurant patrons stared at him in shock, mouth agape at Yuuri’s apparent rejection. Whispers erupted around them, but even their murmurs couldn’t overcome the loud shouts of the thoughts screaming at Yuuri, mocking him inside his head.

_‘You’re not worth anything.’_

_‘I want to make him happy.’_

_‘How could you even think you can?’_

_‘You’re just dreaming.’_

_‘You want him, right?’_

_‘Come on, say yes! It’s your chance. It’s not too late!’_

_‘It isn’t. No way in hell is it yours.’_

_‘Sure, say yes? But at Viktor’s cost? You’re out of your mind.’_

_‘Oh, to hell with what you want.’_

_‘As if Viktor needs another thorn at his side.’_

_‘But I want Viktor so much.’_

_‘Just wanting him doesn’t make you worthy. It doesn’t even make you any different from everyone else.’_

_‘Haha, what makes your feelings so special?’_

_‘I love him.’_

_‘As if loving him is enough.’_

“Yuuri—“

“I’m sorry.”

He watched Viktor’s heart shatter in thousands of pieces before his feet quickly carried him out of the restaurant without his own accord.

Yuuri decided that would be the last time he would see Viktor, the last time he’d ever hurt him.

 

 

 

 

 

**_Day 13, 12/4/2016_ **

_Yuuri had been patiently waiting for 3 hours. It was nearing midnight. The food on the table has gone cold, the ice in the bucket had already turned liquid. The bottle of champagne remained unwrapped, the tableware still untouched. Meanwhile, Yuuri sat on the sofa, almost nodding off to sleep as he waited._

_The sound of the front door opening along with Makkachin’s enthusiastic barks woke Yuuri up from his stupor, almost falling off the sofa as he scrambled towards the front door._

_“Viktor, welcome home!” Yuuri greeted, his voice raspy from his short sleep._

_“Yuuri, were you waiting for me?” Viktor knelt down, scratching behind Makkachin’s ears in greeting before wrapping Yuuri in a hug. “You didn’t have to.”_

_“Yeah, what took you so long?” Yuuri asked lightly, his voice betraying his slight disappointment._

_“Oh, didn’t I tell you? I had a meeting with Yakov.” Viktor replied casually whilst removing the many layers of his attire._

_“Oh.” Yuuri had only vaguely remembered it now. Viktor informing him of the event as he went out the door, rushing to Lilia’s studio for practice. He could also remember him mentioning it yesterday also. “It must have slipped my mind, that’s all.”_

_“Yuuri, what’s all this for?” Yuuri felt as if a bucket of cold water was splashed on his face._

_“Viktor, what do you mean? Today is...”_

_“Today is..?”_

_“Today is our anniversary.”_

_“O-oh! Yes, yes, Happy Anniversary, solnyshko.”_

_Yuuri forces himself to smile. He knew Viktor’s smile was quite forced too._

_“Y-yeah, Happy Anniversary Vitya.”_

“Yuuri, please...just please talk to me.” The voice message ended with a beep.

_“Wow, Lilia sure has recruited some really great dancers this year.” Viktor’s blue eyes intently watched the rehearsals of the latest production of Don Quixote._

_Viktor had visited him impromptu, catching him just in time before he danced to Lilia’s choreography. Yuuri danced as best as he can as soon as he caught sight of Viktor. Lilia, however, wasn’t having any of it, sharply pointing out all his mistakes in posture, the way his feet fell behind the beat of the music, and his interpretation being stiffer than a ruler._

_Viktor noticed his mood go down as soon as he finished, walking up to him and wrapping him in his arms in consolation._

_Yuuri felt so disappointed himself for having shown such a subpar performance right before Viktor’s eyes._

_“Yuuri, look at the way they jump!”_

_Viktor’s comments are only lowering his mood even more._

_“And those steps, they look so light, as if they’re floating in the air.”_

_He felt like running away, far away from the sound of Viktor’s excited voice. Anywhere just to shield himself from the way the words seemed to crash against his resolve._

_“I think I might just make a routine inspired by this.”_

_Viktor’s words were heartfelt, pure in a sense, but Yuuri couldn’t help but feel a sharp pang of jealousy and regret._

_“Yuuri, what is it?”_

“Yuuri, tell me what I did wrong.” The way Viktor spoke in his messages was heatbreaking.

_“Yuuri, what do you want me to do!? I can’t just kiss you and make it all better, right?” Viktor spoke with a hint of exasperation._

_It was their first big fight. Yuuri had been panicking since auditions are coming up for Swan Lake. Viktor had been helping him calm down before the impending audition. Viktor’s efforts, however, have been in vain and hurtful despite his good intentions. Now, both of them were frustrated at how being there for each other turned out to be._

_“No! How could you even say that? Why did you even think that I would think that!”_

_“I can’t tell what you’re thinking, Yuuri.”_

_“You don’t have to, Viktor. But ‘motivating’ me that way isn’t—it’s not—Viktor, it hurt.” Yuuri’s voice stuttered through his tears._

_Viktor should have never reminded him of how much everyone will be judging him especially now that they’re public with their relationship._

_“Yuuri.” Viktor let out a sigh of exasperation. “Just...tell me what to do.”_

‘”Please tell me what I have to do to prove myself to you.” He sounded so desperate even after so many messages.

_“Yuuri, wanna go out for today?”_

_It was the day after Yuuri’s disastrous performance. Yuuri had locked himself in as he scrolled over numerous comments on his phone. Lilia and Viktor had taken it upon themselves to tell him not to. Neither of them could stop Yuuri in the end._

_‘That’s Viktor Nikiforov’s BF? How pitiful.’_

_‘Our National Hero deserves an upgrade, am I right?’_

_‘My dog can dance better, and he can’t even dance.’_

_‘He probably just used Nikiforov anyway. He can beat it.’_

_‘The Bolshoi must be having a fit.’_

_‘Poor Madame Baranovskaya.’_

_‘Hell, apparently Viktor himself didn’t even watch. He must be so embarrassed.’_

_‘Who is this guy anyway?’_

_“Yuuri?” Viktor has been knocking on the door for the past hours, hoping to coax his lover out of the bathroom and eat lunch. “Please, I’m sorry. Let’s talk about this.”_

_“No.” Yuuri’s response was curt, his voice devoid of any emotion._

_At this point, every part of Yuuri was beyond numb._

_At the end of the day, they didn’t bother talking about it, leaving everything at that._

“Yuuri, I’m sorry. I should’ve talked it out with you first.” Yuuri felt his heart beat dully in his chest. Viktor doesn’t deserve this pain.

 

_“Yuuri, I never knew you were this selfish.”_

_Viktor was crying. His tears falling ceaselessly as he looked to Yuuri in melancholy._

_It was the first time they almost broke up for good with Yuuri thinking that he was only a passing fascination._

_He didn’t want to feel the pain of being rejected by the person he cared about the most. Yuuri decided he’ll just beat him to it instead._

_“Have you at least asked me how I felt about this?”_

“Yuuri, I’ve been so selfish.”

 

‘If anyone had been selfish, it would be me, Viktor. Not you or anyone else.’ Yuuri thought as he sipped his coffee, the taste even bitter than his thoughts, imprinting itself onto his stinging thoughts . ‘I’ve always been that.’

 

* * *

 

 _65 calls_ unanswered. Yes, Viktor was indeed counting.

Each and every call he made to Yuuri’s phone was met with Yuuri’s automated voice, a sweet casual sound that threatened to break Viktor every single time it came on.

It made him feel sick to the stomach.

Last night, Viktor ran after Yuuri, feet moving one after the other in quick succession, ignoring the questioning looks of people he need not mind. His heart hammered in his chest as he chased after Yuuri with all he had. Unfortunately, Yuuri was lucky enough to beat the stoplight before it turned red, leaving Viktor in the dust with no other alternate route to run through. All he could do was wait under the blaring red light flashing 60 seconds with immense impatience.

He arrived home, finding Yuuri to have locked himself inside their shared room with Makkachin whimpering in unease as he stood guard in front of it.

Regrettably, the keys to the room were no longer found on the hook hidden in their living room. With cautious steps towards the door, he softens his voice as he spoke.

“Yuuri, let’s talk about this. Please, I want to make sure you’re okay.”

To his dismay, he was only met with silence.

Viktor resigns himself to sitting himself in front of their door with Makkachin by his side pawing at the door in persistence.

Viktor called out to Yuuri all night, even talking to him onesidedly all the while.

Yuuri never answers, not even once.

He doesn’t hear the sound of Yuuri’s voice even as he fell asleep.

He wakes up to no sign of Yuuri in the apartment along with a lot of Yuuri’s belongings, their closet massively lacked in anything that was Yuuri. The drawers, despite having drawn closed, were messy, only full of Viktor’s things. Not even a single lone sock was left behind by his lover (or should he call him his ex-lover now after the mess that was last night).

Cursing at himself for messing things up all over again, Viktor runs a hand up over his face, almost pulling at the end of his fringe in frustration.

He proceeded to call his rinkmates, Yakov and even Lilia to ask for Yuuri’s whereabouts. Unfortunately, none of them had a clue.

Viktor could search everywhere in St. Petersburg but even with the others’ help, the chances of finding Yuuri would be slim. This, along with the fact that maybe Yuuri likely didn’t even want to be found in the first place, serves to brew a deep feeling of sorrow inside Viktor’s chest.

Was this a sign that he should let Yuuri go?

Was this the reason why he had to go through everything all over again?

Is it just for him to accept the fact Yuuri was never meant to be back in his arms?

‘This reality is cruel.’ Viktor thought to himself as he let himself fall back into their bed, burying his face in one of the pillows.

He heaves a tired sigh, in his state he should be able to at least think of a plan but with Yuuri potentially wanting everything over, Viktor now questions whether or not he should chase after him.  

Everytime the rift between them threatens to make itself known, they end up increasing the distance between them in more ways than one.

They had been like that a bit over one year of their relationship.

It’s true what they say, the honeymoon phase comes as quickly as it goes, leaving lovers to pick up the pieces from their shattered images of each other, rose-colored glasses broken once and for all.

Not for Viktor at least. Regardless of his and Yuuri’s past clashes, he still finds himself loving Yuuri a lot, and even more as time passes by. However, Viktor was well aware of the fact thathe hadn’t been the best lover to Yuuri, not even the best person in general.

Despite his sole focus being Yuuri’s feelings, he had failed to take into full consideration what Yuuri had been feeling even before he was sent back in time. Thus, he had only ended up focusing on what he now deems as superficial.

Maybe Viktor had been too optimistic, thinking that spoiling Yuuri, showing him in any way or form he knew that he treasures him, would make Yuuri _stay._ It is only now that he realizes that he was forcing something out of Yuuri, something that Yuuri just wasn’t fully willing to give.

Was Yuuri just putting up with him this entire time?

If Viktor were to be more honest with himself, he would call it a blatant act of desperation. It can be described with an image of him, hands gripping Yuuri’s arm as Yuuri somewhat futilely tries to to run from him. It was a sketch of subtle abuse.

Ultimately to Viktor, it is what it is.

Viktor stares up at the ceiling, closing his eyes in deep thought.

Maybe it _is_ time for him to let go.

.

.

.

_Yuuri scooted closer to the other side of the bed, increasing the distance between himself and his lover’s warm body._

_Despite the way his heart beat in happiness, something always held Yuuri back from enjoying the whole experience.  Turning around as he laid in bed, he took in the sight of Viktor’s sleeping face, calmness etched in his features, breathing even and hair in disarray._

_Yuuri dazedly allows his hand to reach out to brush Viktor’s hair out of his face, fingers pushing his bangs away from Viktor’s nose. He immediately pulls his hand away, realizing what he had just done._

_Maybe if Yuuri were someone else he would’ve let himself do what he wanted. But alas, Yuuri is just Yuuri, and he knew he should stop before he could no longer control himself._

_Yuuri knew it was himself who was stopping him from indulging over everything with Viktor but he knew very well that he shouldn’t let himself get carried away when their relationship is bound to burn down to the ground at the end of the day._

_._

_._

_._

“It was too soon. I was supposed to end it with him once we got back but not when—“

Yuuri sat on the bed of his hotel room, phone held to his ear as he spoke to his resident confidant. His luggage leaned against the nightstand, and his laptop was open on his lap.

The way his hair was in disarray, his eyes red and wet, and his lips quivering were evidence enough of the stress Yuuri was experiencing.

As soon as he stepped foot out of the apartment, he had already decided.

Owning up to his choice, however, was a problem that Yuuri’s emotions still can’t seem to get ahold of.

“He proposed to you?” Phichit finished for Yuuri.

“How did you--?” Yuuri hadn’t even gotten to that point yet in his story.

“It was kind of...trending Yuuri.” Phichit said without thought.

Yuuri couldn’t breathe for a while as he allowed Phichit’s words to sink into his mind.

‘I knew it.’ Yuuri’s mind had always been uncannily accurate in predictions.

Phichit realizes what he had just stated, and in panic, spews numerous apologies into the receiver of his phone.

“I’m so sorry, Yuuri.” Yuuri hadn’t been speaking for the past 15 seconds, and Phichit assumes that he had done the worst. “Yuuri. Yuuri! Oh my god, please, Yuuri. Shhh, please breathe with me. 1, 2,3---”

“No, no, I’m fine Phichit. I expected it anyway.” As soon as Yuuri broke out of his trance, he immediately tries to assure Phichit that he’s fine, his hands waving out involuntarily.  “I just zoned out that’s all.”

“Still, I’m sorry. I should have thought twice before saying it.” Phichit’s voice was tinged with guilt.

“Phichit, it’s fine. And I appreciate that you’re not treating me like a minefield even though I’m _you know_. I like it that you’re honest with me on this. That’s also the exact reason why I called _you_.” Yuuri spoke fondly.

Too many times people had been to careful with Yuuri. As time passes by, Yuuri realized how isolated he felt just from all the coddling. Being seen as sensitive made him feel weak, made him feel as if that it was maybe one of the reasons why he ended up having only a few friends.

It was a miracle that he was able to get together with Viktor.

At least to Yuuri it is.

“Aww, Yuuri.” Phichit savors Yuuri’s honesty. “I’m always here to listen to you, you know that.”

“Thank you so much, Phichit.”

“Anyway, back to your story.” Phichit’s voice took on a more serious tone. “Yuuri, I just want to know why you rejected Viktor in the first place? I mean you’ve told me so many good things that have happened between the two of you recently so...”

Yuuri lets out a breath, composing himself before speaking.

“Phichit, it’s just...Viktor deserves better than someone like me.” Yuuri states firmly, his free hand gripping the fabric of his sweats as he spoke. “Everything that happened over the past few weeks just made me realize how much more he really deserves.”

Phichit was quiet on the other line, prompting Yuuri to speak further.

“I’ve made so many things inconvenient for Viktor. Instead of helping make things easier for him, all I did was a become a burden.” Yuuri spoke as if he was stain on Viktor’s name. “Instead of making him truly happy, all I did was be selfish.”

“But Yuuri, _you_ deserve more, too.”  Phichit’s voice was clear, dripping with honesty. “You are allowed to be ‘selfish’ Yuuri.”

“Phichit, you know it doesn’t always work that way.” Yuuri shook his head in disagreement. Phichit’s words were true but way too idealistic.

“Not all the time, yes, but I know it works in your situation, Yuuri.” Phichit spoke so passionately for his friend. The concern was blatant in the way he spoke. “You can want what you reallly want. No one can force or tell you not to.”

“All I want is for Viktor to be happy.”

“You already know what you want, Yuuri.” Phichit acknowledged. “But think of what’s best for both of you.”

“I already have, Phichit.”

There was no turning back the moment he leaves. This pain he and Viktor feels is only temporary. Yuuri is convinced that overtime it would just fade away, leaving no scar or mark whatsoever.

“All I want is for you to follow your heart, Yuuri.” Yuuri could imagine Phichit giving him a sad smile as they conversed. “Because you deserve to be happy too.”

“Don’t worry, Phichit.” Yuuri’s voice wavered, tears threatening to fall down his cheeks. “I will be.”

Yuuri ends the call thanking Phichit and proceeds to click on the button displayed on the screen of his laptop.

It was time to let him go.

 

* * *

 

 

It was already late in the evening when Viktor decided to skate at the rink, hoping to dull the persistent ache in his heart.

Even if Viktor had accepted that Yuuri no longer wants anything to do with him, considering the blatant rejection he received the night before and his blocked calls and messages, Viktor continues to wallow in numerous what ifs, the emotions he carries in each daydream sewing themselves into the way he moved on the ice.

His fantasies were cut short by a loud bang sounding by the main door to the rink, a young blond had his leg up in mid-kick.

“Yuri, what are you doing here?” Viktor skates to a halt, facing towards his unexpected guest. No one, save him or Yakov, would come by at this time of night.

“I skate here now.” Yuri said it as if he was stating a well known fact.

“Okay.”

For a while, Viktor had thought that he would be left to his own devices as the teen skated on his own area in the rink. To his surprise, the blond skates up to him aggressively. Viktor proceeds to skate on his own anyway, trying to ignore the way the teen’s eyes seemed to be burning holes at the back of his head.

“So, the living legend sulks after a break up. How unexpected.” Yuri spoke sarcastically, as he overtook Viktor and skated in front of him.

“I see, you’ve heard.” There came Viktor’s curt reply.

“Everyone knows because it concerns their ‘National Hero’.” Yuri said with a slight huff. “How unheroic of you though to be skating instead of getting your Sleeping Beauty back.”

With a tired sigh, Viktor speaks, somehow honesty filling his words as they continued to skate.

“I really tried. I tried my _best_...but maybe Yuuri and I just aren’t meant to be with each other. Maybe Yuuri didn’t even want me in the first place.”

“Pfft, anyone with an eye can tell piggy was head over heels for you. Don’t even pull those words out of your ass when you know they’re not true.” The teen had some nerve commenting openly about his and Yuuri’s relationship. Viktor, however, could sigh in defeat. What he’s saying has some truth in them after all.

He and Yuri had unexpectedly bonded while watching Yuuri’s rehearsals no matter how unconventional their ‘bonding’ was. Viktor guessed that the teen had enough of an opinion about it when he was really close to Yuuri and by extension, Viktor.

“Maybe, I’m wrong and maybe you’re right. None of it matters at this point though.” Viktor almost followed that sentence with ‘It’s over’ but he still can’t bring himself to say it.

“You keep saying ‘maybe this’, ‘maybe that’, you’re not even sure of what you’re thinking, tch.” Viktor could tell Yuri was annoyed with his answers. He couldn’t blame him though. He’s annoyed with himself too anyway. “Did you even try to really talk about it with him?”

“It’s not like I didn’t try. I just wasn’t given the chance.”

“Then MAKE ONE.”

Viktor felt the air around them tense. Yuri’s eyes were narrowed at him but there was no sign of anger in them, only something resembling a burning hope.

“Yuuri had always been the type to keep things to himself to the point that when he reaches his limit, he just _overflows_ like a dam suddenly breaking because of the cracks.” Viktor recalled, memories of Yuuri serving to add the heavy load on his heart. “I’ve always seen him teeming with stress and I’ve always wanted to keep him safe from it but he always waves it off.”

“You know for a perceptive fuck like you, you let things slide so easily.” The stabbing words of a teenager pierced through his chest. “You notice all that and you didn’t even do shit!? You’re a bigger moron than I give you credit for.”

“It’s not like I didn’t do anything but I think the things I did never amounted to something helpful. Maybe because of that Yuuri doesn’t even realize how much I love him.” Viktor explained, a new realization coming forth as he spoke.

Yuri stops skating and jabs a finger right in front of his face.

“FUCKING MORON, IF HE DOESN’T BELIEVE THAT YOU LOVE HIM DO EVERYTHING TO **CLEARLY** LET HIM KNOW YOU DO BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY IF HE’S NOT GETTING IT, YOU’RE NOT BEING CLEAR **ENOUGH**.  MAYBE YOU WEREN’T EVEN SPEAKING IN THE PIG’S LANGUAGE.”

“I did _everything_ I could, Yura. Sometimes, the reason why people separate is because they’re not meant to really understand each other in the first place.” At each word Viktor spoke, he could see Yuri fume more and more in frustration.

“What if it’s not even _everything_ yet!?  What if you’re just wasting your time here when you still have a chance!?”

“I think Yuuri made it pretty clear there no longer _is_ a chance, Yuri.”

“Not taking that chance to talk things out once and for all with the pig is just as horrible as breaking his heart.” Yuri spoke firmly, his hands bunching up into fists at his sides. Viktor could feel that Yuri was just as frustrated as he was. But alas, it was too late. “For fuck’s sake, it’s so simple, and you adults always just want to complicate things.”

“The pig would have left Russia already if there wasn’t, dumbass.” Yuri’s words sharp words were laced with hope, a hope that Viktor shouldn’t let himself hold onto.

“Then we’ll leave him be. It’s for the better.”

“You know what? You’re just giving up.”

“I’m letting him go, Yuri.”

Viktor could see that Yuri was about to answer back but he shuts his mouth before it could come out. He turns around skating to the rink exit.

“Tch, forget it old man. I don’t want to compete with someone as pathetic as you.” Yuri mutters aloud, enough for Viktor to hear clearly.

“Yuri...”

The teen skids to a sudden halt, back still turned on Viktor.

“Viktor, you still have a chance but even if you want to let go of  the pig at least let him go with a fixed heart.”

Yuri’s words rang through Viktor even as he returned home to Makkachin. His canine companion had been whining in sadness ever since Yuuri’s departure. It comforted Viktor to know that he wasn’t alone in his pain. To Viktor, it seemed that saving Yuuri involved letting him go, and maybe that was what he should’ve done all those years ago.

Maybe if he had, Yuuri wouldn’t have gotten into the accident in the first place.

Or maybe if Viktor hadn’t gotten together with Yuuri, he wouldn’t have perished.

After dinner he plops himself on the sofa, turning on the television.

It had to be Viktor’s luck that the television would show him a rerun of one of his most famous exhibition skates, _Stammi Vicino, Non Te Ne Andare,_ the very skate he had choreographed for his Yuuri _._

As he watched himself smile during the skate, Viktor felt his heart long for Yuuri all over again, his body searching for Yuuri’s warmth, his mind missing Yuuri’s voice and his heart missing Yuuri in general. Viktor knew that the reason why he was able to fall in love with life once again was Yuuri.

‘There is no one I would love more than Yuuri.’ Viktor thought, tears pricked his eyes as he watched himself skate to climax of the song.

_“Viktor, you still have a chance but even if you want to let go of  the pig at least let him go with a fixed heart.”_

Before Viktor realizes it, his tears flowed proudly down his face, Makkachin in concern flopping down on Viktor’s lap in comfort.

“I miss him so much, Makka. I love him so much.”

 

_“Viktor, you still have a chance but even if you want to let go of  the pig at least let him go with a fixed heart.”_

 

**_“I did well, didn’t I?”_ **

 

_“Then MAKE ONE.”_

**_“I’ve never been sure of something my entire life.”_ **

****

_“What if it’s not even everything yet!?  What if you’re just wasting your time here when you still have a chance!?”_

**_“You were really beautiful, Viktor.”_ **

 

_“You know what? You’re just giving up.”_

 

_ “You were given a second chance...why waste it?” _

 

**_“I love you too, Viktor.”_ **

 

Yuri’s words assaulted him inside his head along with memories of Yuuri’s voice, their bare truths urging him to take action.

As much as Viktor loves Yuuri, he just isn’t ready to let him go.

He can’t bring himself to do just so.

At least not without talking to him, seeing him one last time, and wishing him all the best.

Not without making sure nothing bad happens to him  the next day.

And most certainly not without asking Yuuri for one _final_ chance.

Viktor decides to allow himself to be _selfish_ with Yuuri one last time.

With renewed vigour, Viktor proceeds to send a mass text to his rinkmates, friends, Yakov and Lilia.

Before everything ends, Viktor has to make sure that it would at least end on good terms and make sure that Yuuri would be okay, physically and emotionally.

For Yuuri.

 

 

 

 

 

**_Day 14, 12/5/2016_ **

Viktor wakes up from an unexpected late afternoon nap at his apartment. He has sent a mass text to everyone he knew, asking them to notify him if they ever see Yuuri. Viktor hopes to catch Yuuri before his flight at midnight (information which was gladly supplied to him by Phichit, _“Please, take care of Yuuri always!”_ ). Unfortunately, he keeps missing out on Yuuri. Whenever he received a text, he immediately rushed over to the said area but to his dismay he can’t ever seem to catch Yuuri.

Even if Viktor had missed Yuuri several times today, he was nowhere near giving up.

Today was the day he lost Yuuri.

He’s not going to let anything happen to Yuuri again.

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri had checked out from his hotel this morning. Currently, he was lounging on a bench near the river, trying to memorize the way St. Petersburg looked before he departs from it. Yuuri had already decided that this would be the last time he would be in Russia and that he would instead continue his career in Japan despite Lilia’s reluctance.

Lilia, however, sent him off with a pat on his shoulder and an offer that if he were to return to the Bolshoi, there would be a spot waiting for him nonetheless.

Yuuri was just killing time as he waited for his flight, walking through familiar streets in St. Petersburg as a form of farewell to this beloved place. Each street and each corner served to bring memories to Yuuri, memories that he would always cherish even if he will soon be miles away.

His heart often throbs each time he recalls his and Viktor’s conversations, the way Viktor’s eyes would crinkle whenever he laughs, and the way his lips form into a heart whenever he smiles. He remembers the way they took turns holding Makka’s leash as they walked, cooing over the dear poodle whenever pats were demanded. He recalls the way he and Viktor held hands as they walked through the streets of St. Petersburg, proudly swinging them back and forth in glee.

Even if Yuuri’s decision was to free Viktor, his emotions had great difficulty in letting him go.

From a distance, Yuuri caught a whiff of a very familiar scent. He turns around and finds that he had unconsciously walked to Mrs. Nikolaev’s bakery. His stomach growls in delight at the scent of freshly baked bread.

Yuuri walks into the bakery, greeting Mrs. Nikolaev as he took some buns and brought over to her at the counter.

“Yuuri, how are you feeling these days? Is Viktor treating you well?” Yuuri stiffens at the mention of Viktor’s name. Mrs. Nikolaev’s eyes were sparkling with curiosity and mirth. She never failed to tease him and Viktor every time she sees them together.

“I’m doing well. Thank you.” Yuuri answered politely despite the fact that it was an obvious lie.

Mrs. Nikolaev could only smile sadly at Yuuri. Her eyes taking notice of Yuuri’s luggage.

“It’s okay, child. I heard.” Mrs. Nikolaev was soft compared to rapid beating of Yuuri’s heart. ‘Why must it still hurt?’ Yuuri thought to himself. “It must be difficult for you to travel a long way all alone.”

“I’ll be fine. I’ve been through this before.” Yuuri could almost blur together what they were talking about. Was it only travelling alone that he’s been through before?

“Oh, Yuuri.” Mrs. Nikolaev placed his change in his hand, squeezing Yuuri’s cold palms in her warm ones. “Whatever you thinkis best for you, I suppose.”

“Yeah...”

“Oh! Since I’m not sure when you’ll come back, how about I heat a batch of pirozhkis for you?”

“You don’t have to. I think this is quite enough.” Yuuri gestures to the bread packaged in his hand.

“Nonsense! Consider this my farewell gift, for safe travels.” Mrs. Nikolaev was already on the move before Yuuri could even argue. Smiling to himself, Yuuri thinks of how much he’ll miss her along with everyone else he met here in Russia. Especially a certain champion skater.

“You know, Viktor was really different before you arrived.” She proceeded to place the buns into a paper bag. “He had always seemed so tired, and down. You could see it in his eyes.”

Yuuri remained silent. He had noticed the same thing before when he witnessed the days which took a big toll on Viktor.

“But when you came along, it seemed that he had returned to that little boy who had always begged his coach to buy him more.” Mrs. Nikolaev let out a chuckle at the memory. “It was as if he was reborn into someone new. It was amazing.”

“Viktor had always been amazing even before I came to Russia.” Yuuri smiled in response.

“That is true but...” She looked hesitant to say more. “Hm, nevermind. Let’s just say that it’s a shame what happened between you two.”

She proceeds to fold the top of the bag to secure the bread inside before handing it to Yuuri with a smile.

“Nevertheless, I wish you luck, Yuuri.” Her eyes were soft as she gazed at Yuuri. “I will miss seeing you around.”

With a twinge of his heart, Yuuri smiles back at her. He will surely remember his experience in St. Petersburg for years to come.

“I will miss you too.”

“Have a safe trip, Yuuri. I hope to see you again!”

“Thank you, Mrs. Nikolaev.”

Yuuri leaves the bakery with a more intense sense of wisfulness.

 

* * *

 

 

Night had fallen.

Aside from the places his friends had suggested, Viktor had gone everywhere he could think of just to have one last shot at setting things right between himself and Yuuri.

The night’s atmosphere served to irk Viktor, as if it was sending a warning to everyone who was out at this time of night. It also increased the persistent feeling of dread Viktor had brewing in his belly.

The streets were slick, the wind was cold.

It seemed as though everything that had happened before was keen on repeating itself once again.

Viktor could feel the strain he has made on his body. Running around St. Petersburg tired his body, fatigue threatening to make him lie down on the cold pavement but his heart remained steadfast, determined to find Yuuri before he leaves for his flight.

He stops at a crossing, the stoplight signalling 60 seconds in red. He exhales tiredly, hoping to alleviate the  weariness in his bones. In boredom, he pulls out his wallet, gazing at the picture of him and Yuuri in Hasetsu, hands held together as Makkachin is caught in mid-leap in the photo.

It was on their first trip to Yuuri’s hometown, and Viktor was set on documenting every moment of it. This particular picture had immediately become his favorite. In it, Yuuri’s wholehearted smile was captured excellently, his eyes seemed to twinkle even just by looking at the photo.

Suddenly, a strong breeze snatched the photo away from the confines of Viktor’s wallet, forcing Viktor to reach out to it and get it back.

The breeze was too strong, taking the photo easily as it flew in the air.

Viktor chased after it, as if he was chasing Yuuri himself.

After running after it, and finally catching it in his hands, Viktor realizes how familiar the place he had unexpectedly set foot on was.

He swiftly turns to read the sign of the street, realizing that this was the exact same street where that dreaded accident happened years ago.

Viktor froze in his spot, a sharp chill running up at his spine as he tried to stop himself from reliving that same painful sensation in his chest he felt years ago. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, attempting to calm himself in order to continue his search.

He spots something familiar from the corner of his eye as soon as he opens them, a familiar shade of blue and white.

He turns to see his Yuuri about to cross the street, looking blankly at the other side of the road.

He runs toward Yuuri before he could move any further, grabbing his arm in desperation.

“Yuuri.” Viktor held onto Yuuri’s arm tightly, his grip preventing Yuuri from any movement.

Shocked eyes stared up at him, and Viktor thinks to himself how beautiful they were and how perfect it would be if it wasn’t for their situation right now.

“Viktor.” Yuuri sounded breathless, his expression showed nothing but surprise. Viktor could’ve sworn he saw Yuuri’s eyes sparkle in joy before Yuuri immediately looked down to avoid Viktor’s gaze.

“You should leave.” Yuuri’s voice was soft and rigid.

“Yuuri, I’m not letting you leave without at least fixing things between us.”

“Viktor, there’s no point. I’m leaving tonight.” Yuuri hands were shaking, his grip on his luggage faltering. “There’s no time for it anymore.”

“Yuuri, it will only be a while. I am not letting you leave Russia with the way you ended things here.” Viktor’s resolve was unyielding, he’s no longer going to let go of this chance. “It would be unfair to you. To both of us.”

“Viktor, I don’t understand why you’re troubling yourself with all this.” Yuuri says exasperatedly. He was going to leave but Viktor catching him off guard right when he was about to only made his resolve waver. “I’m not worth the trouble.”

“Yuuri, you are worth every sort of trouble. Our relationship even also.”

“No, I’m not, Viktor.” Yuuri could feel the tears prick at his eyes. Speaking the truth out loud unearthed the tears he’s been holding in all day. “I will never be.”

“Yuuri, I know that I will never be able to convince you otherwise.” Viktor concedes. “But please trust what I say.You--”

“Viktor, just stop.” Yuuri cuts Viktor off. Yuuri can be stubborn as a rock. “There’s nothing left to say anymore.”

“There still is, Yuuri! I don’t get why you are so keen on denying it.” Viktor’s voice grew louder. “I can’t let you leave knowing that you’re forcing yourself to.”

“I’m not forcing myself to, Viktor.” Yuuri’s voice also grows louder in turn. “I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“Yuuri, you and I both know that’s a lie.” Viktor narrows his eyes at Yuuri.

‘Of course it is...but I have to do something, anything just so you would leave me in your past and have a better life.’ Yuuri stops himself from saying his thoughts out loud.

“I’m not lying. I want to go home.” Yuuri yanks his arm off Viktor’s grip.

“Which home, Yuuri?” Viktor continues, his tone resolute as he grabs Yuuri by his shoulders, forcing him to look into his eyes.

“Yuuri, tell me, what is home to you?”

Viktor saw the way tears started to form in Yuuri’s eyes, the way his lips quivered at his question.

“If you really want to go home to Hasetsu, prove it to me.” Viktor spoke desperately. “Don’t lie to me, tell me the truth.”

“Viktor, I don’t understand why you want me here. All I’ve done is pull you down. Trust me, you’re better off without my existence.”

Yuuri’s last sentence struck a cord in Viktor, prompting him to tighten his grip over Yuuri’s shoulders.

‘If only you knew, Yuuri.’ Viktor thought sadly.

“You want me to be better without you?” Viktor spoke with distaste.  “Have you at least considered how I felt about all this Yuuri? How I felt about _you_?”

“I always did, Viktor!” Yuuri shouts, his own outburst surprising both himself and Viktor.

“I know you’re not satisfied, Viktor.” Yuuri continued, eyes steeled despite the tears that threatened to fall down his cheeks. “You don’t have to put it lightly for me.”

“Not satisfied? Yuuri, you don’t realize—“

“I do, Viktor! I know it all too well but you shouldn’t. We can’t.”Yuuri’s voice had become wet, his throat threatening to close up and stop him from speaking. “I can’t.”

“You can’t?”

“I can’t.”

Viktor knew they were going to end up nowhere at this rate. If Yuuri wasn’t going to be honest, Viktor might as well take the lead. He takes a deep breath before speaking.

“Yuuri, you’re right I’m not satisfied.” The way Viktor spoke was steadfast, dripping with honesty. “I’m happier than I can ever be ever since you came into my life.”

Yuuri shook his head in disagreement much to Viktor’s dismay.

“Viktor, you don’t know that yet.”

“I will say it again over and over for you, a thousand times even, until you believe me.”

Yuuri’s tears fall as soon as he heard Viktor’s words, his bottled emotions coming to surface right before Viktor’s eyes.

“Viktor, I know you do. That’s not the problem though. I don’t—“

“Deserve you?”

Yuuri kept quiet.

“I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you. I’m pretty sure I never did Yuuri.”

“Viktor, that’s not true. I’m---“

“You’re beautiful, kind, patient and everything a man like me could only dream of becoming.” Viktor said, no fault in his speech to deny the facts that he was saying.

“If anyone is undeserving between us it’d be me.”

Yuuri couldn’t help but smile sadly.

Viktor felt a glimmer of hope as he saw Yuuri’s smile.

‘You care too much about me. I would only end up messing things up for you.’ Yuuri thought.

“Viktor, I should go.” The traffic light flashes green, signalling Yuuri to move on across the road.

‘I don’t want you to.’ Viktor thought.

Viktor takes it as a sign to let him go.

“I’m so selfish, Yuuri. You want to leave yet I still want to keep you here with me.”

Viktor loosens his grip on Yuuri’s shoulders, letting his hands fall to his sides in defeat.

“Goodbye.”

Viktor watched Yuuri leave, his eyes never leaving Yuuri’s form. Viktor allows himself to let his tears gather in his eyes.

_All of a sudden, a loud screeching of wheels sounded, piercing painfully through the air._

Viktor hears a sickening sound pierce in the air. A nightmare he had long dreamt coming to life.

_His ears almost bleeding at the loud piercing screech of rubber against concrete._

Viktor looks to the side and sees a frighteningly speeding truck, the head lights coming closer and closer.

_A glaring light almost blinded him as he moved faster on the snow slicked asphalt._

Viktor’s mind immediately shifted to Yuuri, watching Yuuri turn his head to the side as he took in the sight of a truck fast approaching.

_The screech of the wheels sounded even louder._

Viktor moved on instinct, his feet moving before he could even think.

_It sounded even **closer**. _

He had to get to Yuuri.

_He heard the distant **cries** of his fellow pedetrians _

He had to make sure Yuuri was okay.

_Along with the **sickening** sound of tires skidding over the road,_

Yuuri is the reason why he was sent back in time.

_His nose assaulted by the scent of **burnt** fuel and rubber burning._

Viktor scrunches his nose at the pungent sent of impending car crash.

_It was at that **moment** _

His body continued to move, determined to get close enough to Yuuri.

_that he heard what **sounds** like _

His hand reaches out for the back of Yuuri’s coat, gripping it.

_brakes snapping in **two**._

Pulling Yuuri towards himself with all his strength, Viktor grunts as he and Yuuri toppled over each other on the road. His arms wrapping themselves securely around Yuuri’s waist as they laid together on the snow slicked asphalt, hearing the loud sound of a distant crash.

Their breaths came in short pants as they stayed clutching each other on the ground, adrenaline still steadily pumping in their veins.

Realizing what he has been able to do, Viktor tightens his arms around Yuuri, burying his face in Yuuri’s hair.

“Yuuri, it’s okay you’re safe now. You’re safe now. God, you’re safe now.” Viktor’s tears were now freely falling down his face, relief flooding throughout his body.

“Viktor, you...” Yuuri sobbed into his chest. “Why did you-?”

“You’re safe, Yuuri. You’re okay.”

“Viktor, you could’ve gotten...” Yuuri kept breaking into sobs. “You didn’t have to...”

“Yuuri, what else do I have to do to prove that I want you here? I want you here, Yuuri.”

Viktor maneuvered them to sit at the sidewalk, Yuuri sitting on his lap and cradled to his chest, moving them away from any more accidents.

“But Viktor, I almost got you killed.” Yuuri looked up to Viktor, face blotchy and wet with tears. “I caused a lot of trouble for you even before but why do you still want me here? I hardly even do anything for you in the first place. I’m just...”

“Yuuri...” Viktor swipes his thumbs underneath Yuuri’s eyes, catching the tears which steadily flowed down his face.

“I’m walking bad luck, Viktor.”

“Yuuri, I don’t care if you are walking bad luck. I don’t even care about all the things that came between us in the past.” Viktor spoke passionately, the words from his heart flowing freely.

“All I care about is _you_ and what you _really_ want from me.”

Yuuri continued to cry in his arms, his arms tightening around Viktor’s torso.

“When you need to cry, come to me. When you need to let out your anger, come to me. Whenever you need me or anyone for that matter, come to me.” The arms around him tightened, Yuuri’s tears continued to fall as Viktor spoke with burning honesty. “Yuuri, please trust me. Please...stay close to me. That’s all I want from you.”

“Viktor...” Yuuri buried his face more into Victor’s shoulder. His voice struggling to form words instead of sobs.

“Yuuri, please. Tell me what you want from me. If you want me to set you free then so be it.” Yuuri could hear the way Viktor’s voice wavered as he spoke, despite the pain he feels Viktor still continued on. “But if you want me to stay with you, then I will. I always will.”

It was a few moments before Yuuri pulled back from him, brown eyes meeting his with no hesitation.

“I want to make you happy.”

Viktor’s heart soared from Yuuri’s admission.

“Yuuri...”

“I want you to rely on me when you need me. I want you to come to me even when you’re tired, angry or sad. It doesn’t matter to me as long as you let me be there with you. And most of all, I want you to stay close to me, the same way you want me to.”

Viktor could feel his heart swell from Yuuri’s every word.

“I know at times I am not enough.”

“Oh, trust me, _zolotse._ You are way more than that for me.”

“I will try my best to make you happy, as long as you’ll have me, mishaps and all.”

“You already do, _solnyshko_.”

“Stay.”

“I will.”

 

 

 

 

 

**_Day X_ **

Yuuri, following Viktor’s pleas for a night out, agreed to have a few drinks at a new bar around the area they frequent in. Yuuri held Viktor’s hand in his, lowkey enjoying the feel of the metal band against his fingers.

Contrary to what others may have expected, Yuuri was the one who proposed after everything that had happened. Now, all they’re doing aside from practicing their respective art (and also teasing Yuri who has been taken in by _both_ Yakov and Lilia as their star student) is waiting for the day they get married.

Things couldn’t have been any better.

After finally laying out all that was unspoken, Viktor and Yuuri continued their relationship with rekindled vigor with Yuri bemoaning the fact they are now always attached at the hip, flirting shamelessly as if they had only recently became a couple.

They made a system, or rather, a promise to each other to approach to each other even with the simplest of things in order to counter any more misunderstandings and would-be issues.

Yuuri was slowly allowing himself to bare his deepest thoughts, the ones which haunt still haunt him in his sleep, to Viktor who spares no second before wrapping up his lover in his arms. Viktor follows it with burying his face into Yuuri’s chest, breathing in Yuuri’s scent before saying “I want to be yours. I am already yours anyway.”

Yuuri, even if it is only a tiny bit, feels the pain ebb away into something warm.

It was in the little things that Viktor had done which made Yuuri realize how much he missed out. The little post-its Viktor would place to remember mundane things, a shared calendar with random notes and drawings which they have filled in over the months, and the way he held onto Yuuri through the night.

Whenever Viktor was stressed and overworked, Yuuri made it a point to prepare him some tea and allow him to rest his head on his lap as soon as he arrived home, playing Viktor’s hair the way he liked it. It always dissolves into a situation where Viktor has his face buried in Yuuri’s stomach, arms tight around his waist as he nuzzles his face even deeper.

Yuuri hadn’t seen Viktor this relaxed... _happy_ in such a long time.

After everything they’ve been through, they took every opportunity to be complete utter saps, as Yuri would call them. They couldn’t be any happier.

But really, all they were was more in love with each other than ever before.

Their hands would never let go of the other’s even as they ventured deeper into the bar.

At the sight of the bartender, both of them freeze. Viktor, in particular, freezing in cold sweat.

“...M-Minako-sensei!?”

“Minako!?”

Viktor and Yuuri stare dumbfoundedly at each other before Viktor further exclaims.

“Yuuri, you know her!?”

“Yes, when I went to Detroit she mentored me. She even allowed me to use her studio for solo practice.” Yuuri said a-matter-of-factly.

“And aside from that, Hiroko-san and I were quite close when we were younger. Sure, we’ve lost touch but since Yuuri’s here...” Minako casually eases herself into their conversation, eyeing the two of them with obvious interest.

“Okaa-san would be so happy to hear from you again, sensei.” Yuuri, although he was quite flustered from meeting his former instructor, greeted Minako with utmost politeness.

“Loosen up a little, Yuuri. I am practically your former instructor anyway.” Minako’s wink at Yuuri suggesting that she was more than what she just said.

“And you.”

Viktor felt himself stiffen from the way Minako pointed her finger at him.

“Be good to Yuuri.”

Viktor smiles, and with no hesitation he speaks.

“Yes, ma’am.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you've enjoyed reading through my very first bang fic. From being a one shot wonder I finally wrote something beyond 10k words. Any comment about the fic is very much appreciated ^^. Now, it's time for me to move on to my drawer WIPs. 
> 
> A very big thanks to everyone!


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